Moving on. . . sort of. . .

Dr. K confirmed for us today that our new clinic donor family had changed their mind about the donation.  He was really surprised that the couple backed out of the donation; we were not so surprised.  We told him that we wanted to move forward with our FET in January with our Snowflakes embies but they want us to wait for a new match that they have ready for us.  We don't know much about this new match other than there are 12 embryos and they were recently created in Dr. K's lab with donor sperm and donor eggs.  They said that the office is closed for the holidays until January 8th anyways and that the legal paperwork would begin this Wednesday (Dec. 15).  They want me to stay in a holding pattern through the holidays before we make any big decisions about embryo transfers.  More waiting!  Just what I wanted for Christmas. . .  =(

Okay, the brighter side is that Dr. K seems determined to get us matched with some more embryos and we are really hopeful about working with him.  We realize that the timing is and will be way different than what we want but for now we are committed to sticking with embryo adoption/donation until it becomes apparent that we should move in a different direction.

Christmas Concert 2010

Every year I look forward to performing with my fellow musicians at church and the Christmas concert is one of my favorite performances.  Last night was so fun as we celebrated together with song the birth of our Savior who came to redeem us from our sinful state and a fate of eternal death.  What a wonderously joyful season it is.

Gladiator Rock n' Run 2010!

Totally crazy and fun!  Participants for 2010:  Elizabeth, Dan, Ben (Elizabeth's brother) Janee (Elizabeth's friend)

So. . .are we getting stood up again?

Maybe so.   Our new clinic donor couple has had almost four weeks to sign a release paper to begin the contract phase of the embryo donation.  Not only have they not signed the paperwork, but they haven't responded to any of our clinics phone calls.  From our past experience, this is not a good sign.  When a couple hesitates to sign paperwork, it is for a reason.  Dan and I decided that if by Monday if the clinic does not hear from the donor couple, we will ask for our clinic to schedule our next FET with our two remaining Snowflake embryos.  I am super frustrated that the donor couple specifically asked to donate to a "struggling couple" and then played us like this.  How cruel.  I can only hope that I am wrong about this situation.  Maybe there is a small chance that they will go through with the donation.  We don't feel like waiting around to find out.  I feel good about finishing out our commitment to our Snowflake babies.  It was what I wanted from the beginning anyways.  Let's all pray for a miracle huh?  The doctor says my little Snowflakes don't have much of a chance of making it.  My God doesn't care about statistics.  He is the author of life even more than our incredible Dr. K.  I'm putting my faith in Him.

An open letter to those donating embryos

Dear Donor Families,

I can't imagine the emotional strain it puts on you to think of passing your embryos on to another family.  I admire your choice immensely and think it is the best choice and a selfless choice.  However, there is one question that I would like to ask you all which I cannot myself figure out.  And while this question does not apply to all of you, in my own personal experience it has applied to three of our four prospective donor embryo families.  So. . . here is my question:  Most of you have gone through the pain of infertility and understand the agony of "not knowing" and having "no control".  Most of you understand how precious time is in the race to beat the biological clock, more importantly you understand how for an infertile couple each day that passes without making some progress toward your dream of being parents is incredibly frustrating, and most importantly you know each day that passes your precious embryos have to wait even longer for a chance at life.  Which leads me to ask this:  If you understand our (recipient family) struggle so well and you know you want to give life to your embryos, why do you insist on adding to the heartache of this situation by refusing to sign paperwork and cooperate with our placing agencies in a timely manner?  I honestly don't get it.  I realize the decision to donate your embryos is extremely difficult and now that you have your own child(ren) your time is precious; But please do not agree to an embryo donation match until you are ready to proceed and committed to the effort required of you to make the donation happen in a reasonable frame of time.  To those donor families who have cooperated in a timely manner (including the donor family of our four precious Snowflake embies) we receiving families thank you!  You are appreciated and respected for your compassion and commitment to your embryos and us receiving families.

Sincerely,
E&D Shack (A receiving family who is tired of waiting three weeks for our next precious donor family to sign one simple piece of legal paperwork. . .)

The Good, the Bad, and the Shocking and Quite Exciting!

In July we finalized our adoption of four embryos through Snowflakes.  In September we began our first frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle.  In October we thawed and transferred two of our four embryos and ten days later found out that they didn't make it.  The day after our negative BETA (pregnancy blood test) our FET doctor called to debrief with us.  Our news was good, then bad, then shocking and quite exciting and it has led us to a slight change in plans.

The Good:  My body did everything it was supposed to do.  Embryos, even "good looking" ones like one of our two embryos, sometimes don't make it.  It is the nature of assisted reproduction.  Science has not found a way to force an embryo to implant.  It must do so on its own.

The Bad:  The doctor says that the two embryos we used in our October transfer were our best embryos.  He says the other two have an even lesser chance of surviving the thaw and implanting although he does say it is very possible (while not likely) that they can come to a pregnancy and be born. 

The Shocking and Quite Exciting: Our doctor said that he has a couple in his donor embryo program who has completed their family and is looking specifically for a family who is really struggling to donate their five remaining embryos to.  Our doctor felt that we were the perfect recipient family for this match and wanted to know if we would consider accepting these five embryos. 

The Slight Change in Plans:  We told Dr. K that we were committed to giving our Snowflake embryos a chance at life and discarding them was not an option.  We also told Dr. K that we would be honored to "adopt" the couple's five embryos (blasts created from a sperm and egg donor - created in Dr. K's office in 2009).  For the last five weeks we have very slowly been progressing through the proper legal procedure to make these five embies ours.  The donating family has agreed to the match verbally but have now had the release paperwork for three weeks and have not signed or sent it back.  We have put our next FET on hold until we negotiate the terms of our embryo donation contract.  Ideally we would like to move forward with our second FET with our Snowflakes embryos while the legal paperwork is being finished on our new donor clinic embryos BUT  as all of us know in the adoption world. . . we do not live in a world of ideals.   If we transfer our Snowflake embies and it results in a pregnancy (which would be amazing) it could jeopardize our adoption of the donor clinic embies.  The typical donor embryo contract gives the receiving family one year of uninterrupted "ownership" of the frozen embryos.  After that year the donor family can ask for any embryos that are still frozen to be returned to them.  So the plan most likely will be to transfer the donor clinic embryos first until we get pregnant and then use our remaining two Snowflake embies and any remaining donor clinic embies in future transfers for siblings.  (We negotiated a five year contract on our Snowflake embies.)

So. . . that is where we are right now.   Thoroughly blessed by this amazing twist in our adoption story, but stuck in the waiting pattern once again.

For those waiting for their adopted little ones to come home. . .

. . .and for those precious little ones waiting for their forever family to come get them:



There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas