Remembering... the light in darkness.

I was looking through some old pictures tonight to update my new facebook page and I came across this one:


I think I look really happy in this picture. I was visiting a farm near our house with my siblings (two of which were pregnant), my parents, and my five little nephews.  What is ironic is that this picture was taken on October 30, 2010 just two days after I received some really devastating news: after seven years of infertility and 13 months of the adoption process our first embryo transfer had failed and our two remaining embryos did not have a very good chance of making it. This picture represents many things to me that I want to share:

1. Joy in the midst of sorrow.
Quite simply, it is lovely to see someone (even me) find the light of life in the midst of a dark and sad time.  I attribute this to a few things:  First as a person I tend to focus on the simple pleasures of life. (I am so much an Amelie!)  On this day it was the crispness of a fall day, finding the perfect orange pumpkin, and this huge cow named Grandma Tina.  Second, I am an optimist and have learned to focus on the positives in life.  (I am totally a Pollyanna.)  While there wasn't much positive at that time in my struggle to become a mom, I do have a lovely extended family and I enjoyed spending time with them that day.  Lastly, Joy by my life definition is a condition born out of a grateful heart.  It is not dependent upon day to day circumstances but rather the absoluteness of the fact that I am a creation of God, he loves me, he is trustworthy, and he has given me the ultimate gift in sacrificing his life so that I can spend eternity with him. 

2. Spiritual growth in the victory over bitterness and the Lord's mercy in my life.
There were many times in my life (especially in the earlier years of our infertility) when I would tend towards bitterness in my state of barrenness.  I focused on our situation as a childless couple more than anything else.  On this day (Oct. 30) I could have easily chosen to stay home and not attend this family gathering which was very kid-centered.  The fact that I not only went but was able to enjoy the experience is evidence of God's mercy in turning my heart from bitterness to gratefulness.  To turn from bitterness was a great struggle for me and I had prayed specifically to be freed from the burdensome grasp it had on me.  In this picture I can see my prayers answered.

3.The importance of faith in God's ultimate plan.
It is amazing to think how much has happened in my life since that day.  Two days after this picture was taken our RE (Dr. K) called to tell us that he would like to match us with a new embryo donor family (for free) and he would be putting us at the front of a year long line of people waiting to be matched.  A little over a year from the day this picture was taken our precious Lena was born.  When I pull back and look at my life and the many unexpected turns it has taken I can see God at work.  My life is not the way I planned it (and I am a super huge planner).  I hate the lack of control I sometimes feel in my own life.  I have had to learn the discipline of faith in a wise, righteous, creative, and loving God.  There are events in my life and in the lives of others I still don't understand.  But I love when God gives us hindsight in some situations so that we can see his work in our lives. 

I am not in a dark time in my life right now.  My life is full of light..flooded with light and I am so thankful for that.  I don't want to forget the dark times.  They too are part of my story.

Favorite Things: Baby Items

When I was pregnant with Lena I always wanted to know from other families what baby items they loved .  Now that I am a super experienced mom... of two months..(ha ha)... I want to share my top ten favorite baby items with you all!

(Always remember friends to NEVER pay full price for anything!  There is always a coupon code, upcoming sale you can learn about through Facebook, or discount site where you can find these items for much cheaper.  You can even look on Ebay and Craigslist for some of these items.)

Babylegs

I love Babylegs for so many reasons!  Right now I love them because Lena's little legs are too short and thin for NB pants but her belly is too big for preemie pants.  Lena also wears them every night with a long sleeve onsie under her sleepsack.  They keep her legs warm and help keep her socks on.  Babylegs has my favorite newborn pair "Lil Sunshine" in the clearance bin.

Aden + Anais Burpy Bibs

I bought these after reading the reviews.  It is one of the most highly rated baby products I've seen.  I love that it can been both a burp cloth and a bib.  The muslin is so absorbent unlike many of the other bibs.  I also like that it has a snap closure so there is no Velcro to get stuck in the laundry.  Target sells these too but I got mine cheap off of Babysteals!

Babbaco Airy Cotton Carseat Cover

People stop me ALL THE TIME and ask about this carseat cover.  It is SPF 50 and keeps the sun AND the germy hands of adoring old ladies in the grocery store off of my baby!  It also makes a nice cozy nap environment for Lena when we are out.  I got mine half price on Babysteals!

Boppy

Okay.. the Boppy has been around for awhile.  I think it is ridiculous as a nursing pillow but I was surprised at how handy it is for lounging and bottle feeding your little newborn!  We use it everyday all day and when she is too big for it we will get to move up to our Bumpo.  I got mine as a hand-me-down from my sister.  (Thanks K!)

Clouds and Stars QuickZip Crib Sheets

I had originally registered for all these cute, patterned sheets for Lena's nursery crib when I came across these revolutionary crib sheets.  I have NEVER seen an item rated so well (except maybe the Vitamix).  With this sheet set the bottom stays on the mattress and the top part of the sheet zips on and off so you don't have to lift the whole mattress to change a sheet.  You just zip off the soiled top and zip on a clean top sheet.  Parents commented that when you have to change soiled sheets in the middle of the night you don't care how cute the sheets are.  I'm sold!  I got mine on sale with a discount code on Diapers.com

Parent's Choice Bottles and Nipples

We had a hard time finding the right nipples for Lena.  We hit the jackpot with these bottles which can be found in store at Walmart.  They are colorful, have a universal screw top so they fit my smaller Medela bottles, come with a cap, and get this... they are only 97 cents each! 

Baby Trend Snap and Go Stroller

I love our BOB stroller and use it all the time but Dan wanted to also get something smaller and more expendable to cart around town and the amusement parks.  This is just perfect!  It has good storage, is super light, easy to open and close, and is inexpensive.  We got ours on Craigslist for $25!

Medela 80 ml Storage Containers

I initially bought these to store all the abundant breast milk I had planned to pump and store.  Well since my milk is nearly gone and never ever really came in abundance I use these to temporarily store formula and as bottles.  They are perfect for a single scoop of formula that makes 2oz.  My favorite bottle nipples fit right on top.  They make portioning out formula for the road so easy!  I got mine at Babies R Us using my 20% off coupon.

Nurturme Baby Food

My most recent discovery was this quick dried baby food.  It is organic and because it is quick dried it retains a lot more nutrition than jarred baby food and without the preservatives.  But what I really like about this baby food is how versatile it is.  It is for 4 months - 4 years old depending on how you mix it.   It can be mixed into other foods like squash into mac and cheese to give added nutrition to a toddler's meal.  It comes in six flavors: squash, peas, carrots, apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes.  I bought mine 60% off on Mamabargains which makes it 50 cents for a 2.5 oz serving.  I've also seen it come up on Babysteals, Baby Half Off, and Green Baby Bargains and it is on sale this week at Babies R Us.

Carter's Long Sleeve Bodysuits

These are by far the best quality bodysuits I have found for the money.  They are nice and thick, tagless, have the hand cuffs which keep Lena's hands warm at night, and they are super girly and cute!  I like to put her in them at night with Babylegs and socks and then a Halo sleepsack swaddle over it.  I got mine on sale at Babies R Us and used my R Us dollars to get them even cheaper. 

So... what are your favorite baby items???  Do share please!

Miss Lena doing some Boppy lounging in her Carter's bodysuit and Lil' Sunshine Babylegs.

Two Months Old!

Ignore the large spit up spot...changing her again would be futile!  Ha ha!

Last week Lena Joyce turned two months already.  She is continuing to plump up and now weighs in at 8.5 pounds and is really filling out her newborn clothing now!  She also grew three inches since she was born.  She went to get her two month shots and did so well.  She was exhausted and fussy the first day but after that she was back to normal.  Lena is getting close to being able to turn over but not just yet.  She is also smiling a TON and I love it! 

I love her smiles and she has been "talking" lots too!

Her on demand sleeping and eating schedule has also been changing and I am beginning to put her on a more regular eating and sleeping schedule this week.  I can tell that she isn't sleeping enough on her own (over stimulation?)  and she has been getting more fussy and cranky because she is overtired. Last night I tore through the Babywise book and today I want to get my hands on a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block.  Babywise was okay but I want to see another perspective and I would like to research some more practical advice on sleep schedules as well. 

Dare I say this...any and all advice on eating/sleeping schedules is welcome!  I have my gut instincts about what to do but I wouldn't mind hearing what has worked for you.  The on demand style of "she will know when she is tired and hungry" thing isn't really working anymore for us. 

Gotta love those Babylegs!

I still LOVE being a stay at home mom and I am so thankful that I get to do this. It is such a privilege to spend my day with Lena and after two months it feels so natural to be her mom!

Lena's First Chistmas

I love her smiles!  Christmas was extra special this year with the addition of Little Lena!

Love my cutie!  The best Christmas present of all this year!

Had to throw this one in.. she has done this funny pose since the moment she was born. 

Merry Christmas!

A Taboo Topic

There are certain things you just don't discuss publicly and weight gain is one of those taboo topics you don't mention to a hormonal, sleep deprived new mom. But my six week postpartum check up was last week, I've been cleared for all physical activity, and it is time to face the music. I gained about 50 pounds with my pregnancy. (Sigh) I had such good intentions to keep the weight gain to a minimum. I had after all just lost nearly 80 pounds over the previous 18 months and I didn't want to undo all that hard work. Blame it on the emotional stress of the pregnancy, blame it on the PIO injections, blame it on the ridiculous swelling I endured from early in the pregnancy, blame it on my sheer laziness...the fact remains I need to work on losing those pounds all over again and quickly! Over the past six weeks I have come to the unfortunate realization that I am not one of those women where the weight melts away due to breastfeeding,etc. I have this one comfort: deep inside, beneath the dark circles under my eyes, below the belly bulges (yes there is more than one), under the (gulp) layers of FAT, is my inner athlete. I know she is still there ready to lay claim to my body once again. (Dr. B and Dr. C when they were doing my c-section had a discussion about my great set of ab muscles and I told them how I used to be in triathlon shape.) So to begin my renewed effort to bring out my inner "Athena" I have summoned a little help from some old friends:

Body Media Fit Armband - Knowledge is power and this armband helps me track my daily calorie burn, steps, and other such important information.  As Bob Harper says: "It's calories in, calories out!".  

Spin Class - It is not the activity that burns the most calories for me (running is) but I attend on Tuesdays and Saturdays and that serves as "anchor" days for my exercise week.  Attending spin motivates me to do my other workouts and even if I don't do them I never go more than three days without a good calorie burning session.

The Bosu Ball - This funny looking bubble thingy punishes my abs more than any other activity.  It is fun to workout on and helps me tone muscle without having to go anywhere.  Key for a new stay at home mom!  I will also get a little SAHM workout help from my Biggest Loser DVDs.  I love Bob's weight loss yoga video the best.

The BOB Stroller - Jogging is the activity where I burn the most calories.  Right now I put Lena's car seat in the the attachment and we take the BOB out for 5k walks every week.  Eventually when Lena gets older we will jog together!

The Keurig Hot Beverage Machine - I LOVE sweets.  One of my tricks is to replace high caloric desserts/snacks with hot beverages like hot chocolate and various teas.  The Keurig makes this all too convenient. 

Farm Fresh to You - In general Dan and I have been working to get more vegetables in our daily diet.  Now that I am a SAHM I have lots more time to cook.  We are getting a fruit and veggie mix box delivered once a month to encourage me to try new recipes and foods.  This month's challenge was fennel, bok choy, and white turnips. 

Vitamix 5200 - One of our most favorite purchases this year was our Vitamix blender.  It is the same blender that Starbucks and Jamba Juice use.  We use it mainly to make healthy smoothies with fruit, protein powder, flax seed, and veggies!  My personal favorite is: blueberries, bananas, vanilla protein powder, milk, and tons of green veggies like spinach and kale.

I am also planning on entering a few races this year. I think my first race back might be the Knott's Berry Farm 5k/10k in March! I definitely want to do the Long Beach triathlon again next September and a half marathon as well. Getting physically healthy is something that I have always had to work at but it has been extra on my mind now that we are "older parents" in our later 30s and we need to take care of ourselves so that we are around long enough to care for Lena Joyce and see her grow up. Here is to unleashing my inner athlete, meeting goals, and never giving up!

Me after finishing my first sprint distance triathlon in Sept 2010

One Month Old

(Actually Lena is almost six weeks old but here is her one month picture that I took two weeks ago...)

These last few weeks Lena has been transitioning out of preemie clothes and diapers and into newborn stuff which gives us many more dressing options. Her hair bows are fitting now and we have had tons of fun wearing her Babylegs newborn leg warmers. She is a great baby and only gets gassy occasionally. She is changing constantly and quickly putting on her baby fat, which I LOVE! She is over seven pounds now which is up nearly three pounds from birth. She has been gaining around 1 to 1.5 oz per day! She guzzles her food and I think it is hilarious how she sounds like a cross between a gremlin and a piggy when she takes her bottle. She seems to be keeping her head of lovely brown hair and her eyes seem to be staying a nice grey blue. Purple is this little girl's best color!

I have been LOVING my new job as a stay at home mom. My days as a high school teacher already seem like a distant past. We are so blessed to have our Lena and are just drinking her in and cherishing each precious day.