Nine Months Old

In her ninth month Little Miss Lena has been on the go!  She crawls like a little speedster dragging her favorite toy around with her.  She is going to be a climber for sure as she loves to pull herself up on everything.  She now has two teeth (the bottom front) and has learned to chew!  She can eat puffs "faster than a speeding bullet", especially the sweet potato ones, and now eats third foods with little chunks.  She is learning her first word with meaning, "Hi!".  Usually she says it when she sees our dog, Jersey.  Just lately has she been adding the "dog, dog" to her chipper "Hi" for her first sentence, "Hi, Dog Dog!".  She loves animals and as my mom pointed out she prefers toys that have a face, i.e. dolls, stuffed animals, etc.  She continues to be extremely social.  She is WAY less fussy when we are out and with people.  As a homebody myself it has made me think of ways to incorporate visits with other people during our long day at home together.  She craves social interaction and loves people watching (that at least we do have in common).  We really enjoy sitting on the porch watching people and dogs walk by.

Lena and her signature tongue and blue eyes!

One funny thing that happened this month was when at the end of a long day Dan and I and Lena were at Sam's Club.  While we waited in line at customer service Lena began to fuss a little.  I was so tired and accidentally unscrewed the entire top of her bottle instead of just taking the cap off and I promptly doused the poor girl with her formula.  She just froze and stared at me blinking quickly in disbelief.  Dan looked at me like I was crazy and so did a few others who were near by.  I burst out laughing so hard and promptly wiped Lena down and apologized.  She took it well, ha ha!  Is that what they call "Mommy Brain"? 

Lena living up to her middle name (JOYce).

At her nine month appointment last week we learned that she now weighs in a sixteen pounds and ten ounces.  She is still in size two diapers and is wearing 6-9 month clothes.  Six month clothes and now getting a bit too small.  She measured in at 30% for head, 20% for height, and still about 10% for weight but the doctor called her nicely proportionate.  He seems happy with her rate of growth and thinks she is very strong and physically advanced for her size and age.

It has been VERY hot lately so we have been enjoying the pool a few times each week.  Lena loves the water and can splash, kick, and doesn't mind one bit if her face gets wet.  She definitely continues to be a water baby and I think she will enjoy Hawaii very much when we go there in the near future. 

Always exploring...and tasting...

Lena still doesn't have separation anxiety.  While she does prefer Dan and myself, she doesn't mind being held by others and is okay when she is away from us for long stretches of time, i.e. nursery, baby sitting, etc.  She is going to be a fabulous big sister as she really enjoys her social interaction.  I kind of think it would be a social injustice to make her an only child. 

Pop and Peanut love spending time together!

Her nap schedule is beginning to change a bit.  She still mostly takes two naps but they are getting shorter.  1.5 hours instead of 2-3 hours each.  I hear this usually results in one longer nap instead of two short ones. We'll just take it a day at a time.

Lena's first time at the beach.  She loved it!

I find myself just in awe that this is my life right now.  All my teacher friends are getting ready for another year and I am preparing to take off for a family vacation to Hawaii followed by my second triathlon, and then another FET cycle for a sibling for Lena.  I feel so excited, so blessed.  Being a mom is awesome.  Lena brings me such joy.  I still marvel that she is with us as a permanent part of our growing family.  I can't wait till I can tell her about the beginning of her life.  About how wanted she was; about what a miracle she is; about how hundreds of people prayed over her and how she is a living answer to prayer and testament to God's goodness and grace; about how truly and deeply loved she is by so many.  You too can help me, help her remember the incredible story of her life as so many of you have lived the journey with us.  I am already beginning to prepare for her first birthday.  I love that she was born in the month of Thanksgiving.  So, so appropriate.

Getting Ready For Round Two

Dan devoted his body and soul to the yard sale in 100+ degree heat and was still able to maintain a sense of humor.

Our family still has eleven embryos in frozen storage waiting patiently for a chance to grow and be born!  Dan and I definitely don't take this lightly.  I feel the weight of responsibility for their little lives.  We are finally getting ready for our next frozen embryo transfer (FET).  We are not sure about the timing yet.  We prefer sooner (especially Dan) but don't want to rush things considering how hard it has been for me to lose my pregnancy weight.  We are thinking somewhere between this November and February.  Regardless of the exact date, we are excited at what God will do to grow our family and feel ready for the challenges that the FET process can bring:  i.e. daily injections, waiting, two hour drives to Dr. K's office, more waiting, bed rest, more waiting, lots of blood withdraws, waiting some more, the excitement of anticipation, the fear of disappointment and loss, and... medical bills.  As familiar as we are to the FET process this time it will be decidedly different.  After having Lena we have hope that this process works.  We have a realistic perspective (from experience) in also knowing that the FET process sometimes doesn't work.  I am not working full-time except as a wife and mother which is far less stress!  We are now on one income and have less insurance coverage for our procedures.  We have Lena.

I made 20 loaves of bread to sell at the yard sale. (Banana walnut streusel, banana chocolate chip, lemon poppy seed, zucchini spice, and zucchini walnut spice)

One of our first steps we have taken towards our next FET (besides getting back in shape) is raising money for our meds ($500+ a pop), FET costs ($2200), and other associated medical expenses (unknown just yet).  Our frozen storage fees ($600 per year) are also due in the fall.  This past weekend we held a two day "Shack Adoption Yard Sale" and we were able to raise $1501 towards our adoption expenses - and in 100+ degree heat!  It was amazing and touching to see so many of our friends and family help us by donating items for our sale, shopping the sale, helping to run the sale, etc.  My parents helped watch Lena and organize the sale at their house and sweat buckets moving boxes and tables etc.  What was also great is that we were able to talk to so many people about embryo adoption and share our story with them.  When our kids get older I am going to love telling them how much people prayed for them and worked for them to be born.  They were loved and served by so many before they were ever a few days conceived!  I get emotional just thinking about what a miracle Lena and her siblings are and how privileged Dan and I are to be their parents.  I can only pray that by God's grace more of Lena's siblings will be born to join us on this earth.  Let's get this party started!

Adoption FET Booty - and we also sold our 2001 Chevy Tahoe at the sale!

(We will be having another yard sale towards the end of September and possibly a photography fundraiser sometime in October.)

Eight Months Old

Teeth, crawling, and nursery time... oh my!

July 3rd marked 8 months for our little Lena and this month has been a month of milestones!  In mid June she began to crawl and has picked up speed ever since.  She also loves to pull herself to a standing position and spends a good portion of the day on her feet.  I don't think it will be long before she is walking! 

 She also had her first stay in the church nursery which she loved.  She is a VERY social girl and enjoys interacting with the other kids and playing with the nursery toys.  The nursery workers couldn't believe it was her first time since she felt so "at home". 

We had a family reunion and a professional photographer took pictures of all of the families.  We hadn't had professional pictures of us as a family since Lena was four weeks old so it was great to get some nice new pictures.  The down side of the family reunion is that every kid under the age of three got "hand, foot, mouth" sickness.  Luckily Lena's case was very mild and we only had a few sleepless nights. 

 Lena is talking up a storm and her babble is becoming more word like at times.  It is quite entertaining!  She also got her very first tooth this month and we think it is adorable!  We realized she was finally teething when she grabbed Dan's finger and bit down on it and Dan felt her tooth. 

 I am just so excited to spend my days with her that I sometimes actually get sad when she has to go down for a nap or for bedtime.  She is in a very regular sleep pattern now:  she wakes up around 6am, goes down for a nap from 9 to 11am and another afternoon nap from two to four with her bedtime being around 8pm.  I like the regularity of her schedule and I have realized now why so many mom's are protective of nap time.  As happy as Lena is she doesn't handle exhaustion well. 

 Next month we will have some formal growth statistics from the doctor but for how Lena is now in size two diapers, size 6-9 month clothes, and weighs around sixteen pounds.  This girl is growing!

Time for some HONESTY.. Welcome to my Pity Party!

I am usually the optimistic one.  When I get discouraged I look around and focus on others who have it worse than myself.  I watch inspirational videos on YouTube to encourage me in my struggles.  I try to focus on the positives in the situation rather than the negatives.  You know, I am one of those "glass half-full" kind of people.

A few days ago I posted and somewhat genuine post about my weight and fitness goals.  This is my personal blog and I feel the need to purge my true feelings on this issue.  You know, sometimes you just need to admit nice and loud how you truly feel and cry for a little before you move on like a "Susie Sunshine".  

My weight loss before picture which hasn't changed all that much. =

 I have had a tremendous struggle with my weight pretty much my entire life.  Years ago I accepted that it would always be a struggle for me.  In 2009-2010 (about an 18 month span) I had a huge breakthrough in my weight struggles and lost 80 pounds.  It was a TON of hard work and discipline especially considering the emotional struggles with infertility I was going through.  Then I had my first failed FET and then finally got pregnant with Lena.

My pregnancy was not easy but not the worst I've heard of.  I had horrible swelling and my doctor's advice was to stay off my feet  (not such great advice for someone trying to battle weight gain).  In the end after giving birth early due to preeclampsia and recovering from my c-section, I had gained back nearly all of the weight I had lost.  I had hoped that through breastfeeding I could magically burn of all of those unwanted pounds.  After all it worked for almost every pregnant woman I had talked to.  Ha!  After so many years of struggling with infertility I should have known better.  I had a milk supply problem and actually gained ten more pounds instead of losing any.

Just in case you wanted to see my super sexy side profile.  Ha ha!

Once the new year came around I decided to get serious about working on my weight issues.  I began my spin classes again and did several 5k walk/jogs a week.  I started cleaning up my diet and laying off the carbs.  I did manage to lose around 15 pounds or so.  Once summer arrived I decided I needed to get even more committed.  I now work out 10 times a week, eat no more than 1500-1800 calories per day, and watch my  balance of carbs, protein, and fat.  It STINKS that I have worked so hard for three whole weeks burning over 4000 calories a day doing all of this cross training to lose a mere HALF POUND!!!

(Here we go....)  UNFAIR!   UNJUST!!  WHY ME!!!  I'VE HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF STRUGGLES!  WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SUCH A BATTLE - AND A LOSING ONE AT THAT!??!

What is my body thinking?  Aye me...   My boot camp trainer after examining my food log and workout schedule just told me to keep on going, that I was getting stronger.  Stronger is great but I want to be SKINNY... or at least SKINNIER!  I am sick of being the fat one in class, or worrying if the lap bar will close on my gut when we ride the rides at Knott's, or worry about fitting into my airplane seat when we go to Hawaii in August.  Or what about living in my bathing suit for two weeks baring my thunder thighs and cellulite for all to see!

I feel naked, selfish, and shallow for posting all this.  There are after all people who are suffering MUCH greater tragedies than myself.  But I can't help but think that God cares how I feel today.  He doesn't mind my lament as long as it doesn't rule my heart.  He put Psalms of lament in the Bible for a reason right?  It is okay to be frustrated and cry in self-pity for a moment or two... or three.  That is honest communication in a healthy relationship.   I guess I just pray that by God's grace my lament can turn to yet greater determination to work hard and meet my goals.  If Jesus can turn water into wine can he not turn my fat into muscle???  I think so!

(Ahhhh... there's that "Susie Sunshine" after all...)

Perseverance, Patience, and a New Goal!

Around February of this year I made what I thought were practical weight loss goals for this year.  It has only been less than two years since I lost 80 pounds and clearly I've already forgotten that no matter my diet or how hard I workout my body doesn't always cooperate with my neatly calculated weekly goals.  It is hard not to feel deflated but after going back and looking at my weigh ins from two years ago I realized that my body does respond to my hard work in its own time frame.  I still don't understand why one week I lose eight pounds and the next two weeks I lose zero when I am consistent with my eating and workouts.  But I am learning patience and also learned to just accept that my body is weird and will not always respond the way I want it to.  To help me focus on fitness rather than weight loss I have registered to race in the Long Beach sprint distance triathlon again this year.  (.5mile ocean swim, 11 mile bike ride, 3 mile run)  I began a pretty intense training routine a few weeks ago:  I attend bootcamp four times a week, lap swim twice, jog a 5k at least twice, and then attend yoga and spin class once each week.  That is a minimum of ten intense workouts per week.  Dan has been so supportive watching Lena while I attend classes.  I do most of my workouts early in the morning before Lena wakes up so I don't disrupt our family time too much.  I already feel so much stronger and hope that I can beat my triathlon time from 2010.  I will most likely be about thirty pounds heavier when I compete this time around but I think I will be in better shape and more experienced as well. 

Me after my 2010 triathlon.

Happy 4th of July!

We had a great 4th of July at my parent's house.  The kids went swimming, we ate BBQ and salads, and of course we did fireworks accompanied by patriotic music.  Here is a picture of Lena with the big finale firework.  She had a great first 4th  but she slept through most all of the fireworks. 

Yes, she tried to eat the pyrotechnics!

Playtime!

News Flash!!!  Lena is now on the move!  She began crawling at seven and half months and we have had to adjust our playtime set up accordingly.  I used to despise that our house came with carpet in the bathrooms but now our master bathroom has become the perfect gigantic playpen. We are having lots of fun in our house lately!