Fun on the Farm with Family!

Dan and I live in dairy country so we invited all the family out for a farm tour at a nearby farm.  We learned how pumpkins are grown, smelled all the herbs in the herb garden, harvested plants to feed the Babe the pig, petted goats, sheep, horses, and cows, milked a cow, saw turkeys and bunnies, petted farm kitties, brushed a pony, and picked out pumpkins.  It was such a fun day with all the nephews, my brothers and sisters, and my Mom and Dad.  Afterward we went back to our house for yummy meals and s'mores around the campfire.  Here is a picture of the twinos having their first ever campfire s'more. 

"Not Yet"

. . .was not the answer Dan and I were praying we would get after waiting seven years to become parents but this is indeed the news we received today.  My blood test confirmed what I had known these past few days;  we lost both of our babies.  Adoption and infertility are both journeys and this is one of the painful and sad moments in our journey.  But it is not just about Dan and I.  Yes, today we once again lost out on the opportunity to be parents but our babies lost out on a chance to experience life.  I miss them and I didn't even know them.  They and baby Shack that we lost at six weeks in 2008 are the only children we have ever known.  Dan and I revere life at its most basic form (a small cluster of human cells) which is why we felt so drawn to embryo adoption.  I mourn them and I mourn the loss of the opportunity to mother them and provide them a loving home.

Tomorrow we will meet with our FET Dr. and decide what to do next.  We still have two more adopted embies in cryogenic storage waiting for a chance at life and we are committed to give them that opportunity.  I am not sure when that will happen just yet.

Thank you for praying for our embies and for us.  Dan and I have chosen to share our story for many reasons and one of those reasons is so that when we go through really tough days like today we have a community to come around us and build us back up with encouragement, kindness, and prayer.  Thank you friends.

One last look at our precious baby Shacks.  I am glad we have this picture to remember them by.

It's not "Baby Glue", it's "CRAZY Glue"!

One of my embryo adoption blog buddies, Lacie, calls the PIO shots we have to take "baby glue".  Tonight Dan says that I need to change the name to "crazy glue".  I've cried, gotten angry, and laughed hysterically in the last 60 min. and I think I should probably practice the discipline of silence so I don't drive him crazy too!  Five days into the two week wait I was like, "This waiting thing isn't nearly as bad as others have made it out to be!".  Ha!  The joke is on me.  I have felt pretty tortured today.  Where did my peace go?  At least I still have my sense of humor. . .

Mr. Shack the Athlete

My athlete and his running buddy Mike.

Congrats to my hubby for getting up at 5 am on his day off to run in the Huntington Beach Distance Derby!  He finished his 10 mile run in 1:56.  Love that man!

Special Delivery!

Look what I got in the mail!!!

I was honored to receive THE Baby Games book this week to entertain and distract during my "two week wait"!  (Thanks Em!)  If you don't know the origin of this fun tradition see Lacie's blog.   I look forward to browsing through this treasure over the next few days and passing it along to another EA mom-to-be during her two week wait.  =)

Bed Rest Buddies

Yes. . . she really was staring at me this close to my face. 

Figgy, Ollie, Ichi, and Jersey. . . oh yea and lots of papers to grade. =)

Three days post transfer and I am doing really well.  I've enjoyed my days of bed rest so much!  I got a lot of paper grading done, watched some fun TV, and spent some nice quiet time with Dan.  I've been feeling very good emotionally.  I only "googled" info on FETs twice!  Physically I've been feeling the shots a bit more and the bruising has begun.  I made the mistake of not massaging the meds in after my shots one night and I paid for it big time the next morning.  The shots themselves don't hurt hardly at all.  Warming the vial of medicine before the shot and massaging the injection site afterwards has been really working for me.  The only physical issues I have had from the FET is pretty constant mild cramping since the day after the transfer.  Implantation is supposed to happen in the first 72 hours after the transfer which means that our embies have either made it or not at this point.  I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.  I am just going to take it easy and make sure I leave on time and rest when I get home.  Well back to paper grading! 

Meet the newest Shacks!

Our little blasts!  Now that is an early baby picture!

Today was an amazing day.  When we arrived at Dr. K's office we met with the embryologist to get a report on how our embies did in the thaw.  They thawed two of our four blasts and they both survived!  They were thawed late Sunday afternoon and spent the night growing in a petri dish. The plan was to thaw the 5AB and 5BB embies and save the two 5BC embies for later but they realized that the New York clinic had not labeled the straws so they just picked two of the four to thaw.  We don't know which ones were selected but the embryologist says that we had one that was an expanding hatching blast that looked excellent (that is the one that is more irregular shaped) and one that was only 50-60% "intact" from being frozen- yet it was still alive and growing.  They said this last embie (the one that is perfectly round) did not look so good.  To our surprise they then asked us if we would like to thaw another embryo to give us a higher chance of pregnancy.  They said that we could not transfer the not-so-good embie if the newly thawed embryo looked better since we are not open to selective reduction (abortion to reduce multiples).  Of course for us that was not an option at all.  We always stated that we would transfer all embryos that survived the thaw and realize that even in the case of not-so-good embryos babies are born.  We decided to stick with our original plan and only transfer the two that were thawed and save the other two.  The embryologist felt that we most likely thawed one of the higher grade embryos (5AB or 5BB) and one of the lower grade embryos (the 5BC).  Which means we likely still have one higher grade and one lower grade embryo left in frozen storage. 

Ready for our babies!

After the embryologist left I took my Valium and drank some water to fill my bladder so that they can see my uterus better on the ultrasound machine.  Then while the Valium took effect Dr. K came in to discuss our choice to transfer two embryos, explain the procedure, and answer our questions.  Given our decision not to selectively reduce and to transfer all surviving embryos he agreed with our decision.  He said that while the chance of the not-so-good embryo surviving was small he has seen it happen.  He transferred two very low grade embryos to a woman last year and they both implanted and the woman had twins.  He said that I needed to smile more and change my thinking now that the decision had been made.  He said I needed to be 100% positive about this transfer.  (Isn't Dr. K awesome???)  We walked into the transfer room where I changed into my gown and relaxed on the table with my tunes (Chris Rice, Switchfoot, Coldplay, Nora Jones, etc.) while Dan rubbed my head.  The Valium was great but I think the prayers of many were answered today.  I NEVER felt nervous and I never cried once.  I was more excited about today than anything.  The nurse came in and said my bladder looked great on the ultrasound and then Dr. K came in and place the catheter in and our little embryos slipped right inside my body.  He took a picture of them inside my uterus.  I was totally AMAZED!  Dr. K said the transfer went perfectly.  I had to lay and relax on the table for 20 minutes and then they put me in a wheel chair.  I finally got to empty my bladder (yea!) and then we said good bye to Dr. K who ordered me to rest, not stress for several weeks, eat brownies and ice cream after all my meals, and smile lots.  =)  They wheeled me out to our truck and then Dan and I headed back home to follow Dr.'s orders and relax. 

The big black space on top is my bladder.  The bright white lines are my uterus.  The bright white spot in the middle of my uterus is the fluid with our embies! Amazing huh?

For others who are doing EA here are some thoughts:  The actual transfer was a breeze!  The bladder thing was no big deal at all which surprised me because I was most freaked out about this part (but being a teacher I have a well trained bladder. . .he he).  I am really glad I had my mp3 player because it helped pass the time when I had to lay down and wait. 

So what is next?  In the next 72 hours the embryos are supposed to float up to the top of the uterus and implant in my uterine lining.  We have more blood tests on Friday (Oct. 22) for progesterone and estrogen level checks.  Then on Oct. 28th we have and HCG (Beta) check which will tell us if our embryos implanted or not.  In the embryo adoption world they call this the "two week wait" (2WW).  It is usually a most difficult period of waiting and wondering.  I've got lots of distractions planned:  movies to watch, magazines to read (thanks Jenn!), blogging to do, papers to grade (boo), kitties and a doggie to cuddle with, reading to do, etc.  I looking forward to a break in my normal teaching routine.  Dan has been really great bringing me food, setting up my t.v. shows, and keeping me company.   He is good EA husband.  =)

Well it is time for my delestrogen and PIO shots which have been going great.  I have zero bumps or pain from my shots so far.  Yea!  I think following the advice from those who came before me has really helped.  I still can't believe that there are two small little lives growing inside me right now.  May the Lord bless them and us as they continue to grow.  It is our dearest hope and prayer that they both make it!