Well. . . since I'm NOT pregnant. . .

. . . Dan and I (and my brother Ben) are doing THIS!!!

Flat Fred and Jamie go to Work!

Dan and I have some visitors with us this week compliments of our nieces in the Great Northwest!  Flat Fred and Flat Jamie have come for a Southern California adventure.  Today Dan and I each took one to work with us.

 Flat Jamie came with me to experience high school.  She learned about symbolism and satire and met a bunch of enthusiastic 17 year olds.

 Fred went to the office with Dan and met some CHP officers and got to see a police car up close!  We shall see where we take them next. . .

N8IRR

N8IRR is back!

 Dan and I live near a small airport that used to be a military base that is now home to many private jets and a historical aircraft museum.  Whenever we drive by the hangar we gaze at the planes and usually play a short game of "let's pretend" which usually goes like this: "So, where are we going to take our private jet this weekend?"  "Well, maybe. . ."  It is fun to pretend right?  When we first moved to our neighborhood we saw this plane and immediately it became our favorite of all the airplanes.  His name is Nater because his airplane ID is N8IRR.  Nater would come and go and whenever we happened to drive by and he was "home" we would literally yell "Hi Nater!".  We haven't seen Nater in many, many months.  We've been wondering where he went.  Is he in Vegas?  Perhaps Montana. . . or maybe up in San Francisco!  I actually was a little sad that he might not ever come back.  Then today he was back and we were SOOO EXCITED!  I know I am exposing some of our Shack family dorkiness but it is the little things in life that can bring great pleasure.  =)

Thankful for the Veterans in my Family!

Brother-in-law Jake - Active Duty Air Force

Grandpa Robert - Marines

Cousin Tim - Air Force

Cousin Luke - Navy / Cousin-in-law Dolly - Navy

Brother-in-law Paul - Army

A day away. . .

 

Enjoying a nice fall day in the Huntington Library Chinese Garden.

Today Dan and I decided to cash in our groupon that we bought in July for a one-year family membership to the Huntington Library and Gardens in San Marino.  Dan had not been to the newer Chinese Garden or inside the Huntington house so we focused on those two areas today.  At the Chinese Garden we had a dim sum sampler which included one of my favorites, bao buns (BBQ pork sticky buns) and then we had the BEST iced jasmine green tea and some almond cookies all while we took in the beautiful view.  I love visiting the Huntington because it reminds me so much of our times touring in Europe; casually viewing Gainsborough portraits, wall paneling and furniture in the style of Louis the XVI, and manicured gardens of all sorts.  There is something that is so leisurely about this place.  It is where you come to dream and to forget; where you can be transported to another time and place.  I half wish I had some elaborate gown from the late 1700s and a parasol to saunter around the garden pathways in.  We are so excited to visit the Huntington many times this year.  Some peace and quiet along with some light exercise is just what we need to counteract the stresses of EA and other life issues.

Chinese bao bun - You must try!!!

Fun on the Farm with Family!

Dan and I live in dairy country so we invited all the family out for a farm tour at a nearby farm.  We learned how pumpkins are grown, smelled all the herbs in the herb garden, harvested plants to feed the Babe the pig, petted goats, sheep, horses, and cows, milked a cow, saw turkeys and bunnies, petted farm kitties, brushed a pony, and picked out pumpkins.  It was such a fun day with all the nephews, my brothers and sisters, and my Mom and Dad.  Afterward we went back to our house for yummy meals and s'mores around the campfire.  Here is a picture of the twinos having their first ever campfire s'more. 

"Not Yet"

. . .was not the answer Dan and I were praying we would get after waiting seven years to become parents but this is indeed the news we received today.  My blood test confirmed what I had known these past few days;  we lost both of our babies.  Adoption and infertility are both journeys and this is one of the painful and sad moments in our journey.  But it is not just about Dan and I.  Yes, today we once again lost out on the opportunity to be parents but our babies lost out on a chance to experience life.  I miss them and I didn't even know them.  They and baby Shack that we lost at six weeks in 2008 are the only children we have ever known.  Dan and I revere life at its most basic form (a small cluster of human cells) which is why we felt so drawn to embryo adoption.  I mourn them and I mourn the loss of the opportunity to mother them and provide them a loving home.

Tomorrow we will meet with our FET Dr. and decide what to do next.  We still have two more adopted embies in cryogenic storage waiting for a chance at life and we are committed to give them that opportunity.  I am not sure when that will happen just yet.

Thank you for praying for our embies and for us.  Dan and I have chosen to share our story for many reasons and one of those reasons is so that when we go through really tough days like today we have a community to come around us and build us back up with encouragement, kindness, and prayer.  Thank you friends.

One last look at our precious baby Shacks.  I am glad we have this picture to remember them by.