BETA #2 Results

I had to call Dr. K's office to get my results.  It was almost the close of the work day and I didn't want to endure the waiting any longer.  Mrs. A the coordinator talked with me to let me know that my HCG went down from 15 to 0 so there is definitely no babies this time.  I can't say that I am very surprised.  The stretching ballooning feeling I was having 4-5 days ago completely disappeared a few days ago and a few other HPTs that were more sensitive than the Dollar Tree brand came back totally negative.  I am just glad to have closure on this FET.  I am super sad about losing four more of Lena's genetic siblings.  We only have one embryo left from her match- a blast that we refroze after it was thawed and grown out from Lena's FET in 2011.  We also have two blasts from our Snowflakes match.  We will likely use these three embryos in our next FET which will likely be sometime in October.  If that FET is unsuccessful we will then jump back on our clinic's waiting list to adopt more donated embryos.  I confirmed with Mrs. A that this option is definitely a possibility for us.  Thanks for all the kind words and prayers for our family and our babies.  It meant so much to know that people were praying for us, encouraging us, (and some of you) sharing your own similar experiences and losses.  I am sad but also ready to bring our last three embryos to life as soon as my body is ready.  In the mean time to cope I will:

1.  Enjoy life with my beautiful miracle daughter and loving husband. 
2.  Return to bootcamp - TONIGHT!  I feel like such a wimpy marshmallow!
3.  Race in the Long Beach sprint distance triathlon on September 8.  (I already registered..)
4.  Run the Long Beach Half Marathon on October 13 with Team Mike!
5.  Begin fundraising for FET #5 - I listed tons of stuff on Craigslist today, I also listed a new timeshare week for rent on Redweek.com (you may have to create a free account to view it), we are having a garage sale on Saturday, and I have tons of stuff to post in my EBAY store which will reopen soon. 

To God be the glory in all things.  The miracle in this is not a baby, but that in the loss I don't feel bitter or angry. 

No Results Today

My new lab slip from Dr. K's office didn't come in the mail yesterday which means I can't do my blood test this morning as planned.  I will try to go after I get home from teaching if possible;  if not then I will just do the blood draw tomorrow morning.  Either way, there will be no results today. 

Official Results: Still Hope for a Miracle

I finally got a call from Dr. K's office a few hours ago.  The nurse told me that my HCG level came back at a low positive of 15.  Dr. K wants me to keep taking my injections and take another blood test on Tuesday.  He will be looking to see that my HCG level doubles every 48 hours which would mean they are looking for an HCG level of at least 60. 

My greatest hope is that my HCG level is explained by our one embryo that was "slow growing but looked great" according to the embryologist on transfer day.  It was a 2PN (18 hour old embryo) that grew to only 10 cells by transfer day.  Most grow to be at least 100 cells.  The embryologist said that it looked good and was definitely growing but just very slowly.  Perhaps our little slow grower is still growingly slowly in my belly.  We'll see on Tuesday.

Little "Pokey" our slow grower!

I never got a positive pregnancy test because I was using Dollar Tree brand tests that only read pregnancy if the HCG level is 50 or higher.  Here is a neat website I found that tells what the HCG levels are for various tests on the market:  CLICK HERE

I should swear off home tests at this point but I won't. I bought a few from CVS that measure HCG levels of 25 and higher.  I will take one tomorrow to see where we are at. 

Who wants to pray for a miracle with us?  Grow baby grow!

Still No Official Results

I can see that people are stalking the blog for a results post...I did my blood test yesterday morning at a local lab (a very incompetent one) and I am supposing that is why I haven't been called yet with my HCG results.  I took several home tests though and all have been negative so I am guessing they aren't going to tell me anything that I already don't know.  If they confirm that I am not pregnant we will make our last try with FET #5 as soon as my body allows- probably October. 

And then there was the eve of 7dp5dt +UPDATE

I am having an emotional crisis so I put Lena in the crib with juice and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and I'm lying on the bed eating chocolate that I am not supposed to be eating.  I thought I had it all under control.  I got her up from her nap and made her a juice and snack and directed her towards her toys so I could clean up the messy kitchen and make Dan dinner.  And then she dumped her juice on the living room carpet, cried, and wouldn't let go of my legs. 

Help!  My house is a disaster, I am STILL cramping from the transfer almost a full week later, I am STILL seething from having to drive 4.5 hours round trip today to Dr. K's for a simple blood draw for estrogen levels because insurance won't pay and the local lab wanted $350 for the test, the maddening "what if" crazies have begun to spin in my head, the PIO shots are really starting to be a pain in my butt - literally (bruises, welts, knots, rashes, and itching), and to top it all off I start my new job tomorrow.  Welcome to my pity party.  This is my fourth FET and days 7-10 are the toughest to endure, ALWAYS!  The logical woman inside my head is telling me to sit down, make a list, and prioritize.  She is telling me, "Everything doesn't have to be perfect right now."  But I hate admitting when I am defeated and I totally feel that way right now.  I don't even know how to finish this post.  I am waving the white flag.  I am sure I will re-read this at some point in the future and laugh at how dramatic I became over spilled juice.  I blame the PIO.  Those wicked little hormones... 

FYI:  7dp5dt means 7 days post 5 day transfer

UPDATE:
I have the best husband EVER!  He came home after working a 10 hour shift.  He brought dinner and sent me up to bed. He fed Lena, took her to the park, gave her a bath and then put her to bed.  And when I got up this morning I discovered that he stayed up late to clean the entire kitchen.  I went to my first day as a second grade homeschool co-op teacher and it went so well and I LOVED it!  Lena had a great day visiting Grandma and Grandpa while I was at work.  So thankful tonight for a loving and thoughtful husband and the prayers and support of my family and friends. 

Hume Lake 2013: Camping with a Toddler

Last week we went on our very first camping trip as a family of three!  We spent a full week up in the Sequoia National Forest at Hume Lake Campground in our "new" tent trailer that we acquired off of Craigslist a few weeks ago.  It was the most relaxing vacation we have ever had together.  I had fun recalling memories from when I worked there 16 years ago.  It was one of those experiences that I would want to do all over again.  It is so beautiful and so peaceful there and yet there is also much to do!

We took lots of pretty walks around the lake...

We went fishing and caught rainbow trout to cook up for dinner...

Even Mama got some fishing action and caught a fish!

We took Lena on her first bike ride around the Christian campground and also around the lake...

Lena LOVED the bike rides.  She would yell "Weeeee Weeee" every time we would pick up speed.

We cooked yummy camping food and did the dishes in our trailer...

Dad teaching Lena how to properly eat ramen noodles.

"Mountain Man Breakfast Skillet": hashbrowns, eggs, cheese, sausage, and bacon

First time Lena and I got to experience Jiffy Pop!

Pancakes!

We brought along some of Lena's favorites like strawberry Greek yogurt.

Mama doing KP!

We played games and cards and read lots of books and even watched a little Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...

Mom and Dad played Monopoly cards (Dad dominated) and Lena played Mickey counting cards.

Play time with Daddy

How we kept her clean after her afternoon shower.

A little Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while Mom and Dad make dinner.

We took our kayak out on the lake for fun boat rides and fishing...

This fish was too little...had to thrown him back.

Yes we own a huge purple kayak!

We walked to the Christian Camp to watch recreation, get snacks, and play in the sand...

We got very dirty... and then very clean...

This drove me nuts!  But hey, she loved it.

The toddler camping shower.  

We swam in the lake and played on the beaches...

We relaxed and enjoyed the beauty of God's creation...

We had an AMAZING time and were sad to leave but happy we got to go.  Thank you Jesus for making such beautiful places for us to enjoy.

All packed up and ready to head home.

Side note:  Contrary to popular opinion camping with a toddler is not crazy nor impossible.  Kids LOVE to be outside, get dirty, explore, and enjoy nature.  Lena loved it!  Notice though we did use some modern conveniences: perimeter gate, tons of baby wipes, a bag of favorite toys, a portable DVD player to give us an occasional quiet break, a few lollipops and other favorite snacks, and we kept regular nap time every afternoon.

Shot Lessons 2.0

We were a few weeks into my Delestrogen shots for FET #4 and I was experiencing lots of bleeding and pain from the tiny 22 gage needles.  When I was speaking with Trish the nurse at my my weekly ultrasound and bloodwork appointment I mentioned this to her.  She immediately told me to "shut the door and drop my drawers".  She could tell right away from the knots in my rear that Dan had been giving me my shots directly in my sciatic nerve which is why they have been so bloody and painful!  She drew two large bullseyes in red sharpie on my rear/hips and guess what....that night and every since then my shots haven't hurt and there has been little blood!  Yea!  I can't believe we got all the way to our fourth FET before we fixed this issue.  Dan rightfully blames the diagram they gave us for giving shots as it did not accurately show us where to give the shot.  (Ha! Maybe my backside is bigger than most!)  Anyways...I just want to tell all the other ladies out there who have to do fertility shots to ask your nurse to "bullseye" you!  It was super helpful and I love that my shots don't hurt anymore!

Dan has always been the shot giver in all of our FETs.  I told him it was his duty and while he doesn't like doing it, he always does it dutifully and mostly with a good attitude (except when we almost forget and have to get out of bed to do the shots).  This week since I am staying at my parents' house while Dan goes back to our city/home to work I am left with no choice but to give myself my shots.  Yikes!  So last night before Dan left I practiced under his guidance and I did it!  I drew the progesterone and stuck myself with the needle.  I almost blacked out doing it.  I started getting really light headed as I pushed the meds into my rear and then I got so nauseous and hot.  I had to have him hold me up while I finished and then sit down immediately.  It was pretty comical and over-dramatic - there is a reason why I never considered becoming a nurse!  I am a little nervous but tonight I am giving myself my shot again and this time without Dan around.  Here's to hoping I don't get so squeamish this time!