My first week back to work went well. I felt fragile at first. I was afraid to walk too much, stand too long, get frustrated too easily, etc. Mostly I don't feel pregnant. I have to pee often and I've been really thirsty. I drink so much water! I have the stretchy cramping on and off. On a few occasions I have felt extremely mild nausea. Most everyone has told me that their symptoms didn't show up till 6 or 7 weeks into the pregnancy so I am not really worried. I am actually really thankful that I wasn't feeling horrible this week. It was really busy at work!!! I feel like I am obeying Dr. K's orders to stay cautiously optimistic and we are looking forward to our ultrasound one week from today!
I was gone from work for two weeks because of the transfer and I've been open with some of my colleagues about our adoption process. Let's just say that news of my pregnancy has spread only like gossipy wildfire can in LM. I don't mind that people know. A long time ago I chose to give up some privacy to have emotional and prayer support and also to bring awareness to embryo adoption. It has been a little annoying that people at work have felt like handing out advice to me like this: "If I were you I would tell as FEW people as possible." or "When I was pregnant I didn't tell ANYONE until I was showing." It just makes me feel like some people really don't understand what I've been through. I suppose their intentions are to keep me from getting hurt even more if something goes wrong. Having been through a miscarriage before I'm not really sure how it can feel better some times and worse others. It is horrible no matter how many people you have to tell. Frankly, I'd rather not have to lie about why I am sad or need an extra day off. The situation at work got me thinking about how open I've been with our adoption. I wonder if I would have done it differently if I could go back. Honestly, I don't think I would. The worst time in my infertility journey was when only Dan and I knew. I felt so alone. I am an emotionally transparent person and I hated making excuses about why I was sad, or frustrated, or angry, or not pregnant yet. . . When I began to tell people about our story I decided I would let it happen naturally. I don't walk around announcing that I am an infertile who is adopting. Occasionally, in a conversation, that information works in naturally. Now that many people know about our embryo adoption I think they should know all of it. Not just the happy, joyful parts, but the waiting parts, the worrying parts, the messy parts, the devestatingly sad parts, the painful parts, the angry and frustrating parts. . .all of it. It is easier to share the burden than hide it. I want people's prayers and when there is reason to celebrate as we now celebrate with my pregnancy it is all the more joyful.
16 comments:
Love this post! I believe you will bless many people through your experience and I LOVE how transparent you are. Praying and rejoicing with you friend.
I agree being alone in IF is the worst and sharing can help you get through.I hated having to hide my feelings etc during the messy stuff.Honesty really is liberating :-) -Megan
Yay for being open and real. A great path to chose.
AND.. so excited for your ultrasound. And you said you might get to hear the heartbeats? wow! That little swish swish washing machine sound is the most amazing moment!
Hugs and love!
I am grateful that we can share and pray with you as you walk through this experience. Thanks for letting us be such a part of all of this. So amazed to have such a wise and wonderful daughter (and son-in-law :)
-mom
This really resonated with me. Thank you for posting it.
My losses left me feeling so raw that it was impossible NOT to talk about it! I think your transparency is a great thing.
I totally agree with you. My husband wanted more privacy and less transparency but those were my feelings as well~ the more people you share it with, the more people that will be praying you through the process! Plus most of the people around our area had never even heard about EA so we got to do a lot of educating. Can't wait to hear about your ultrasound!
I have/had the same thoughts of openness through IF. It is so liberating being open and honest!
Friend, I love your openness and approach to this journey. During the miscarriages I experienced I felt like it was taboo to talk about and like it made everyone who knew uncomfortable. I think it is something among women especially, but also among men, that SHOULD be talked about. Every loss is painful and difficult, and makes every JOY even more wonderful. I admire you both always, and continue in my best wishes and prayers. Thanks for sharing this post. Love Anna
I couldn't agree more. We were quite open about our IVF with our son and our EA with our daughter...the support we received when we had a miscarriage was soooo wonderful. I had a friend who was very open about her 1st pregnancy and it ended in miscarriage. It was very hard and very sad to tell people about the loss so they decided to keep the 2nd pregnancy secret until 12 weeks. But then she miscarried again...she told me that was her most lonely time in her whole life having to grieve the loss of that baby alone. Sharing the grief was so much easier and healing that doing it all on her own. I am praying along with you...I'm so excited for your u/s this week.
Karaleen
I really appreciate and value your honesty! I'm glad you're doing this the way you need to and not the way some opinionated others think you should.
-Melinda
I, too LOVE this post. I think being open and honest is wonderful. I have learned so much through your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey. On a side note, I have had two pregnancies that resulted in healthy babies and had practically no symptoms throughout my first trimesters; every pregnancy is different and just because you don't "feel" something the books say you should doesn't mean anything. So happy for you. I can't wait to see your next post!
I felt the same way as you do :) So glad you have decided to share your journey! Continued prayers being sent your way....
I totally agree with you. We have been very open about our embryo adoptions. The support, prayers, and love that has surrounded us has been invaluable.
Being alone through it all is tough. We pretty much just let things come up in conversation naturally - other than close family. For the most part everyone knows most of our drama. We live in such a small town, and we are small business owners, so when we say that we'll be out of town for a while, everyone already knows why.
There have been times, though, that I've felt like there is so much drama with us that I'm afraid people will start to pity us if they know too much. I suppose people already sort-of do when they know you've lost a child, but then to add that i've also had 4 miscarriages usually makes their mouths drop. I don't want to be looked at like that. The more that goes on with us, the more hesitant I've become to share.
I do think it's great to celebrate a pregnancy, no matter how early it is. Yes, it's tough to give bad news over and over if it doesn't go well and there are a lot of people that just don't understand. Those that haven't had a loss probably never will.
Congratulations.Thanks for being open and sharing all of this with us.Happy and healthy 9 months.You give me hope on my ttc journey.:)
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