Infertility Math

7 - the number of nieces and nephews (E's side of the family) that have been born since we started trying
3 - the number of failed donor matches in 2010
81 - the number of months we have been trying to have a baby
4 - the number of adoption agencies/donor clinics we have worked with
15,000 - the money we spent in dollars on infertility treatments before adoption
17,000 - the money we spent in dollars on adoption and FET expenses
5 - the number of IUI procedures we did over a two year period
23 - the number of weeks we lost in 2010 due to donor families changing their mind
1 - the number of FETs we have had
4 - the number of embryos we adopted so far (2 are already in heaven)
1 - the number of miscarriages I have had
6 - the age our child would be if we didn't have infertility issues
10 - the number of countries we have visited on vacations taken in lieu of having children
7,200 - the money in dollars family and friends have given us to help with adoption expenses

Waiting . . . some more. . . AGAIN!

I think this might be my 50 bazillionth post on waiting.  Have I mentioned that waiting is a pretty big part of adoption?  ; )   This time I am not really sure what we are waiting for.  When we adopted embryos with Snowflakes the legal process and procedures were very transparent.  Now that we are adopting embryos directly through FASAC (our clinic) I am not really sure what comes next or how much longer we wait.  I am actually unaware of what we are waiting for at this time.  All I do know is that last Friday (Jan. 15) I got a call from the clinic to tell me that our donor family had met with their lawyer (supposedly to draw out a contract) and that she should be hearing from them that day.  Well over one week later we have heard nothing from the clinic or our lawyer who said she would call their lawyer everyday to find out what is going on.  Waiting would be easier if I knew what we were waiting for.  I've seen a donor contract before.  It is not complicated.  It is actually very cut and paste and supposedly the donor family's lawyer has done them many times before so I am a bit worried that the only reason why we are waiting so long to get this contract is because the donor family. . . .(gulp) . . . is having second thoughts.   If they pull out of our donation I think Dan and I should win an award for suffering the most rejection in one calendar year.  I could be wrong.  Maybe everything is fine. But it has been extremely consistent in the past that when we wait for a donor family for an unusual amount of time and they are difficult for the clinic to contact that the match is doomed.  It is just really frustrating.  I almost don't need to say it because you all have walked with us through this so many times already.  We have the money for the transfer.  I just reordered my medications.  I am prepared to take time off for the transfer IN FEBRUARY!  We need this to happen.  It is a good thing I have spin class in an hour.  I need to burn off some stress.

Renewed Hope

Thanks so much to friends and family (and especially my cousin Rachel!) who supported us this past weekend with with Little Lesiw Adoption Sale. Rachel and I are so excited to announce that around $1200 was raised for our embryo adoption! This will really come in handy next month when we have our next FET cycle fees due. I just love how corporate this adoption has become. You all through encouragement, prayer, finances, gifts, etc. have played such an important role in helping us bring life to these tiny embryos. Our hearts are filled with joy and gratefulness.

 After my post on "Perspective" last week I was so encouraged by the hope that many of you have for Dan and I during those days when it is hard to stay positive.  I had a turning point this week.  I just realized that we will be able to give our 14 embryos a chance at life.  If none of them make it to birth we will pursue adoption domestically or internationally.  We will be parents to "born" children one day.   (We are already parents to our 3 embryos in heaven and our 14 embryos in frozen storage.)  Maybe it is crazy or foolish;  I thought it was quite economical and fun, but today we bought an awesome crib and dresser/changer on Craigslist for a steal of a price!  We won't set the nursery up yet.  But this past weekend Dan and I decided that we needed this to help make our future more tangible. . .  to help us renew our hope. Just call it our "Thomas moment".  You know, when Jesus showed the disciple Thomas the holes in his hands and side after he was resurrected.  It was something tangible for Thomas, and Jesus met him in his disbelief and renewed his hope in the promises of the Lord. 

"Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.'" John 20:27

 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."      -Jeremiah 17:7

Something Exciting! Baby Shack Adoption Fundraiser!

No, we still don't have news on our new transfer date but I am excited to tell you all about a way you can help us with our adoption!

This is my cousin Rachel and her family. Rachel and her DH know all about the struggles and joys that come with adoption. Rachel (an adoptee herself) and her DH have adopted both domestically and just recently they adopted from Korea. To help finance their adoptions several years ago Rachel put her mad artistic skills together to found her business Little Lesiw which creates accessories out of designer fabrics. Now that their adoptions are paid for she has generously decided to run a special this weekend only (Saturday to Monday evening / Jan. 15-17)) on the Little Lesiw Outlet on Etsy and a large percentage of the profits will be donated towards financing the adoption of our 12 embryos and our next transfer which we hope will happen by late February.  Rachel's signature is the "Bloom" which has been featured on Baby Steals, Kid Steals, in retail stores, and on the cute little kids of the famous.  Please pass the word of the Little Lesiw Adoption Sale to anyone who might enjoy purchasing some great deals at Little Lesiw and supporting our embryo adoption at the same time.  While all the pictures here feature Rachel's blooms on kids, I wear them all the time!  (Rachel even has featured ties for little boys in this sale! Rachel has a passionate and loyal fan base so shop early for the best selection.  I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.  =)

Perspective

Do these pictures make you excited or sad?

(Baby things I have collected for our future children and for Baby Shack that we lost three years ago.)

(My Tahoe that we traded Dan's loved truck in for to be our family car in 2004.)

(Our four bedroom 3 bathroom house that we bought in 2008 in a family friendly neighborhood right on a tot lot park.)

( My children's library that rarely gets used.  I've been collecting kids books for our children for years now.)

(My super cute maternity jeans and shirts that I bought (and sometimes wear) because since I lost so much weight I don't fit into my old clothes and I didn't want to invest money in clothes that would only fit for a few months. )

I know in my head that these things are huge blessings. I'd like to say that they make me excited for what is to come but today they just make me a little sad.  Yeah. . . I don't really have much else to say about it for once.  It is just one of the waves of emotion that comes with infertility. 

Meet Number Six!

Today Dan and I became an Uncle and Auntie again!  Our sixth nephew (on my side) was born tonight.  Meet Andrew Marc!

Isn't he cute?  Congrats Joe and Kristy!

Heroic Hearts: Inspiration from some unlikely Iron Men

I love the newness of 2011!  I know some people get annoyed with New Year's Resolutions. Some think that it is pointless to make goals that may inevitably be put aside. I am not one of these people. (See my New Year 2010 post on this topic.)  I look forward to setting new goals, celebrating new accomplishments, and getting inspired by other "Doers" out there.

Today I wanted to share with my readers my three most favorite inspirational stories.  Take time to watch them; you will be a better person for having become acquainted with the incredible and awe-inspiring journeys of these Iron Men.  For those of you who don't know, an Iron Man Triathlon is when you swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and then run a full marathon - 26.2 miles.  To be an official finisher you must complete it all in 17 hours or less. Is it crazy that I want to do this someday???  Here is to making goals, being "Doers", and never giving up on ourselves!  Happy 2011!

 Team Hoyt: The Back Story of a father who didn't give up on his son and a son who was determined to live against the odds.


Team Hoyt:  The Iron Man


Matt Hoover: Biggest Loser Winner Season 2 still battles his weight and finds strength deep within to do impossible things

(Side note:  Matt Hoover ran another Ironman distance triathlon in November and completed it in under 17 hours!  See his story here.)

Ben: Loses 120 pounds and gains his life back