Shift in Focus

It has been a little over 8 months since our third FET and while at first it was disappointing to decide to wait at least 6 months before our fourth FET I am glad we waited.  Truthfully I didn't feel ready when we did our third FET in November.  While I had made progress losing some of my baby weight I was still considerably heavier than I hoped to be at that point.  Since November I have lost 50 more pounds and am currently 20-25 pounds lighter than  when I got pregnant with Lena.

Part of me has really enjoyed the process of focusing on my physical health.  It feels good to set and achieve fitness goals.  I was able to complete a half marathon,  take a very active and fun family vacation where I hiked, zip lined, and swam in a two piece bathing suit without feeling self-conscious!  It is now time though to shift focus and I don't think it is going to be an easy transition for me.  I LOVE being a mom... but I also LOVE being active and adventurous.  I want to go camping, and train for my favorite race (the Long Beach Triathlon), and start my new job teaching 2nd grade homeschool without the stress of doctor visits and waiting for blood test results and getting a sore behind from shots.  I still find it hard to believe that the normal way most people conceive is to simply have sex for a few minutes. (Sorry if that was too crude!)  While I want so badly to have a sibling for Lena and to give her embryo brothers and sisters a chance at life I wouldn't be honest if I didn't also say that I am not looking forward to the process to make this happen.  I am so fortunate to remember that I have family and friends who support us so well: financially, with babysitting during doctor appointments, and also with prayer.

On another matter, if I am blessed with another pregnancy I am terrified of gaining back all the weight I have worked so hard to lose.  I will HAVE to find a way to be pregnant and healthy this time.  I don't know how to keep the weight off without proper exercise.  I don't know how to exercise properly and not constantly worry about a miscarriage.  I am glad that my new OB/GYN is a female who is so personable and has personally dealt with pregnancy and infant loss and also is into fitness.  She will be a great guide should I navigate the world of pregnancy again.

On occasion I am asked what our plans are if our next FET doesn't result in a pregnancy.  I really am not ready to think about that yet.  What we have decided is that we will keep on with our FETs until all seven of our remaining embryos have had a chance to grow.  That is about as far as we have decided at this point.

I called our fertility clinic a few weeks ago to let them know we are ready to begin an FET cycle.  Right now we are just waiting for my body to be ready and then our weekly 2.5 hour drives across town will begin.  I am trying to get excited about the possibility of being pregnant again but I am only 35 pounds away from my goal weight and it is hard to shift my focus from fitness to fertility.  I have a few more weeks to get my head right before we are deep into needles, ultrasounds, and hard discussions about embryos.  Pray for me friends!