Checking In: One Week Until FET#5 Ultrasound #2

Yesterday I was 8 weeks pregnant.  Many people have been asking how I am feeling lately and the truth is that how I feel changes on a daily basis.  Some days I feel totally normal physically while other days I feel plenty of first trimester symptoms (mostly nausea, exhaustion, and some ligament pulling/stretching).  Just two days ago I was feeling especially worried that our baby isn't going to make it after hearing bad news about three other embryo adoption families who have lost their babies in the last week.  We have had a few first trimester losses before and I would rather not have to endure that kind of loss again.  I hadn't felt any "changes" lately and that was scaring me a little.  I felt tired and a little nauseous but with out the belly stretching it is easy to write off the other symptoms as medically induced.  Then there was yesterday and today...I feel super pregnant.  I feel awful...I LOVE IT!  The morning sickness is getting stronger and I have felt the discomfort in my belly again which is good.  I am usually a person who gets 7 hours of sleep and then I am good but lately I have been getting closer to 9 or 10 hours of sleep and could probably sleep more if Lena would let me.  There is one more week before my next ultrasound (on January 6th).  We are just doing our best to enjoy this pregnancy, stay cautiously optimistic, and pray daily for our little miracle baby to keep fighting and grow, grow, grow!

FET #5: The First Ultrasound...Meet Our Miracle!

Today we got to see our new baby again and this time we heard his/her heartbeat!  

Dan was super calm before and I was too up until my wait in the ultrasound room.  It was the longest 10 minutes of my life waiting for Dr. K to come in after I got ready for my ultrasound.

Right before the ultrasound...can you tell I am just a little anxious?

Dr. K quickly sensed my nerves and got right to the ultrasound and was fast to point out the beating heart of our new baby!  

 

 I felt so many feelings during those few minutes:  I was excited and so very relieved to see a heartbeat, I was sad we lost the other two babies although not surprised considering my low BETA numbers, I was exhausted from the emotional toll of the day, I was thankful that our miracle baby had made it this far when he/she wasn't even supposed to survive being thawed, and still nervous about this baby's future.  I am totally spent after this day.  It was a wonderful day and we are so thankful!

Dan gives a thumbs up by the picture of Shack Baby #2!

After our ultrasound we made the drive back across town and had a nice late lunch before we headed back to pickup Lena at my parent's house.  Our next ultrasound is in a few weeks on January 6th when I will be 9w1d.  It will likely be my last appointment before I get released to my OB/GYN and also when I get to stop taking my daily injections!

Shack Baby #2 has a heartbeat of 122bpm.

Our baby is measuring 6 weeks and 3 days at 7.4mm.

Snuggles and Songs - A Haiku

Rain and cold outside

Cozy snuggle on the couch

Daddy sings fun songs

Lena Makes Cookies

Rolling out the dough was her favorite part...can you tell?

 Last night Lena and I had a great time making Christmas cookies for the first time.  First we got on our aprons.  Lena wore her Blue's Clues apron that Grandma Joanne had made her before she was born.  (I really wish she was alive to see her making cookies in this cute little apron.  She would have LOVED it.)  Lena helped me place all the ingredients into the mixer and had fun watching them beat all together.  After a short break to let the dough chill we got out all my cookie cutters and got ready to roll out the dough.  Lena loved using the rolling pin.

It took her a little bit to get the hang of it but she did great cutting out the shapes.

 Then I had to teach her how to dip the cookie cutters in flour and cut out a cookie and place it on the baking sheet.  It was interesting to see which cutters she wanted to use.  Her favorites were the star, the Christmas tree, the butterfly, and the heart.  Once she got a taste of the cookie dough I had to keep her from sneaking the cut out dough off the cookie sheet for a taste.  It was maddening and yet fun and funny at the same time.

Adding some sprinkles!

Almost done!

 Once our cookies were cut out Lena walked with me over to the hot oven and I turned on the oven light so she could watch her cookies bake.  We whisked together a simple glaze (1 cup powder sugar, 2 tbsp milk, 1/2 tsp flavoring like vanilla, lemon, or almond) and then I brushed it on the baked cookies while she put on some sprinkles which was another one of her favorite parts.

We made a plate of cookies for Daddy.

Time to taste!

Daddy gave us his approval and Lena enjoyed sharing her cookies with us.  While there were a few crazy toddler moments and messes we had a great time and Lena was a fantastic little baker!

Six Weeks

Today I am six weeks pregnant.  It is still sinking in and we are looking forward to our ultrasound this Friday.  There are very few pregnancy symptoms that I can trust this early in the process but this past week a few strong first trimester symptoms that can't be attributed to my medications have begun to emerge.  I am cold, no freezing really, all the time!  I have to sleep with extra blankets,wear extra clothing, and turn up the heater while my poor husband sweats bullets.  I have to pee constantly and I am thirsty all day and night.  Just yesterday my chest has begun to get twinges and soreness (although this can be caused by my medications I haven't had any soreness until recently).  The bloating and stretchy feeling I had a lot a few weeks ago has subsided considerably but that is pretty normal.  Occasionally I will have cramping and pressure in my lower abdomen but it comes and goes.  So it seems all is well but it will be nice to see that little heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor on Friday just to know for sure.

FET #5 - BETA #3 Results

BETA #1 - 50 at 9dp5dt (6 hours shy of 10dp5dt)

BETA #2 - 84 at 11dp5dt (6 hours shy of 12dp5dt)

BETA #3 - 514 at 15dp5dt (5 hours shy of 16dp5dt)

The good news is in!  Nurse A just called to say that my third BETA (which measures the HCG pregnancy hormone) has come in at 514!  We were hoping to see the BETA double every 48 hours which would make my BETA at least 336 today so to hear that it was much higher than that was exciting news to say the least.  Our little miracle baby/babies are holding on and growing fast!  We are so relieved, so excited, and SO THANKFUL!!!

Our first ultrasound has been scheduled for Friday, December 20th when I will be 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant and we will verify how many babies have made it and hope to see a heartbeat.  It will be a long 12 day wait for that day but if I can make it through the last two weeks I can make through the next 12 days.  It would be safe to assume that this has been and will be a character building experience for our family.  With Lena's pregnancy my very first BETA at 10dp5dt was 425 and BETA #2 was 1121.  With FET #4 my first BETA was 17 and then BETA #2 was back to 0.  To have the BETA process with this FET be so drawn out and dramatic was new to us and very emotional and scary. 

So here we go...Shack baby #2 is on the way!   I still can't believe it!  Thank you Lord for this amazing gift!

FET #5 Update...keep these babies in your prayers!

"Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?...For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength...But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong...so that no one may boast before him...Therefore, let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."    
- 1 Corinthians 1

All today I felt really strong pulling, bloating, and cramping (the right kind).  The strongest I've felt in several days.  I thought to myself a few times, "This baby is growing!"  I feel pregnant.  I know I can't pay attention to any other symptoms other than those pregnant belly sensations because of the medications I am on so I was so incredibly thankful to have the gift of those feelings today to keep the hope alive.  I've been taking the cheap Wondfo tests every morning and evening to see if the test line got darker or lighter.  After how I felt today I took two tests tonight and this is what I saw...

Tonight's test is the bottom one.  When I took the top test my HCG was 50.

Tonight's test is the bottom one.  The one right above it was from early this morning and at the "9dp 5am" test my HCG was 50.

Our miracle baby/babies are fighting and the Lord is sustaining their lives.  I am humbled before the Lord.  Keep praying friends and family.

Time to Think...And Listen

Anxiety weighs down the heart,

But a kind word cheers it up.

- Proverbs 12:25

I am so thankful that God has placed people in my life to bring encouragement to my heart and strengthen my faith during these few weeks but especially in the last few days.  I am usually a very optimistic person but the dramatic twists and turns of this FET, and knowing that this is our 5th and last FET for awhile (we have no more embryos in storage) and also our last chance to give Lena a genetic sibling, and that our adoption funds are depleated...again has been a lot to handle emotionally.

When I sent word yesterday about our second BETA I was bewildered at first at how happy and excited people were to receive the news that our BETA went up to 84.  Frankly I thought I was delivering bad news.  At first I chalked it up to people who just didn't understand the FET process and how important it would be to have the first Beta double.  But when even experienced embryo adoption friends, my husband, and even my own doctor felt "good" about an HCG level of 84 I realized just how pessimistic, worrisome, and anxious I had become about this transfer.  I was letting the fear of losing this baby steal the joy I should have been feeling about him/her still being here with me.

Text after text, message after message people sent encouraging words my way letting us know that they were praying for our babies and us, telling us about when they were in a similar situation with low betas which turned into healthy babies, providing helpful and reliable medical information that I had not been aware of, sending us uplifting Bible verses for us to read, reminding us of the promises of God, encouraging our hearts not to give in to fear.  I can't tell you how much more hopeful I feel this morning.  I also feel confident that if our babies don't make it I have an army of friends and family members who will help us grieve the loss and look forward to a different future than the one we had hoped for and planned.  I just want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to write or say these words of encouragement.  They have meant so much to us!

FET #5 - BETA #2 Results

I got my BETA #2 results today at 11dp5dt (six hours short of 12dp5dt).  My first BETA came back at 50 and today my BETA is 84.  We were hoping for the number to double as my BETAs were exactly 48 hours apart.  Dr. K wants me to stay on my medications and retest on Sunday.  According to the nurse his exact words were, "I have a good feeling about this one."  I kind of don't know how to feel about this.  Part of me is super thankful that my Beta went up; part of me is super worried and sad that my beta didn't double;  The drama continues...or maybe I should say the miracle continues...

Keep praying for our fighter who is struggling to make it.

FET #5 - BETA #1 Results

My BETA is 50 which is lower than I expected.  We were hoping for at least in the 100s.  My doctor wanted at least a 70 but he says I should stay on my meds and retest on Wednesday when they will want to see the number double.  It is safe to assume that there is only one baby fighting in there.  Please join us in praying for this FET #5 miracle to continue and that at least one of our babies will be able to be born on this earth.  The good news is that my home pregnancy tests have been darker each day and I do feel that pregnancy stretching in my belly.  My hope is that our one embryo that was less developed was a late implanter and slower grower and just needs a little more time.  We are trying to follow doctor's orders and stay optimistic which is hard to do after so many failed FETs and losses.  Stay tuned for another big FET #5 update on Wednesday.

Maybe Lena's sibling - top left - our least developed embryo - has just needed a little more time to develop.

T'was the Morning of My BETA and All Through the House...well uh Hotel...

All my tests

... not a creature was stirring because it is 5 am when I am taking my last home pregnancy tests before heading to Quest Diagnostics down the street from our hotel to get my blood drawn for my first BETA results.  Dr. K's office should call us with the results sometime around lunch or early afternoon when we are on our drive back home from our holiday vacation.  My tests have come up consistently positive since Thanksgiving which gives me great hope that at least one of our miracle babies made it through the implantation process.  Here is a glance at my home tests:

FRERs - Very steady progression in darkness although my test line never did get nearly as dark as the control line.

Wondfo Tests - Definitely darker on 9dt5dt

My "dud" Dollar Tree tests with very faint positive 7dp5dt - 9dp5dt

A close up of my last FRER on BETA morning.

A CVS brand EPT equivilent I took this morning just for fun.

I have times of peace and hope but also lots of anxiety and fear.  I worry that while my home tests have come up positive I might have a low BETA which might indicate an early miscarriage.  I worry that all three of our babies won't make it.  I worry that if they all do make it I won't be able to handle triplets and a toddler.  I worry that even though I might get pregnant we still might lose the baby/babies later like we did with Lena's pregnancy.  I worry.  I can tell you this though, after FETs when my home tests came back negative and I knew I wasn't pregnant, it is much more hopeful and exciting to go into a BETA test with home tests that have TWO pink lines.  For that I am truly thankful especially when Dr. K's office hadn't given us much hope that the embryos would even survive being thawed.

I am about to get ready soon to leave for the lab.  I have an appointment at 9:15am but they open at 7:30am so I am going to go right when they open and see if I can get in earlier.  According to the FET due date calculator I am four weeks and one day pregnant and will be 10dp5dt (10 days post 5 day transfer) at 2pm today. I am praying to be blessed with a strong BETA today and will post tonight after we get home from our holiday trip.