The Symptoms Have Arrived . . .

. . . and I've never been so happy to feel so bad.  Actually it hasn't been very bad at all and some days the symptoms are stronger than others.  The tiredness feels like I took a dose of Nyquil and the nausea is pretty mild but definitely there.  =)  Just wanted to post an update.  Feeling positive and looking forward to my ultrasound on Friday!!!

Tick Tock and Who To Tell

My first week back to work went well.  I felt fragile at first.  I was afraid to walk too much, stand too long, get frustrated too easily, etc.  Mostly I don't feel pregnant.  I have to pee often and I've been really thirsty.  I drink so much water!  I have the stretchy cramping on and off.  On a few occasions I have felt extremely mild nausea.  Most everyone has told me that their symptoms didn't show up till 6 or 7 weeks into the pregnancy so I am not really worried.  I am actually really thankful that I wasn't feeling horrible this week.  It was really busy at work!!!  I feel like I am obeying Dr. K's orders to stay cautiously optimistic and we are looking forward to our ultrasound one week from today!

I was gone from work for two weeks because of the transfer and I've been open with some of my colleagues about our adoption process.  Let's just say that news of my pregnancy has spread only like gossipy wildfire can in LM.  I don't mind that people know.  A long time ago I chose to give up some privacy to have emotional and prayer support and also to bring awareness to embryo adoption.  It has been a little annoying that people at work have felt like handing out advice to me like this: "If I were you I would tell as FEW people as possible." or "When I was pregnant I didn't tell ANYONE until I was showing."   It just makes me feel like some people really don't understand what I've been through.  I suppose their intentions are to keep me from getting hurt even more if something goes wrong.  Having been through a miscarriage before I'm not really sure how it can feel better some times and worse others.  It is horrible no matter how many people you have to tell.  Frankly, I'd rather not have to lie about why I am sad or need an extra day off.  The situation at work got me thinking about how open I've been with our adoption.  I wonder if I would have done it differently if I could go back.  Honestly, I don't think I would.  The worst time in my infertility journey was when only Dan and I knew.  I felt so alone.  I am an emotionally transparent person and I hated making excuses about why I was sad, or frustrated, or angry, or not pregnant yet. . .  When I began to tell people about our story I decided I would let it happen naturally.  I don't walk around announcing that I am an infertile who is adopting.  Occasionally, in a conversation, that information works in naturally.  Now that many people know about our embryo adoption I think they should know all of it.  Not just the happy, joyful parts, but the waiting parts, the worrying parts, the messy parts, the devestatingly sad parts, the painful parts, the angry and frustrating parts. . .all of it.  It is easier to share the burden than hide it.  I want people's prayers and when there is reason to celebrate as we now celebrate with my pregnancy it is all the more joyful.

Beta #2 - 12 dp5dt

1121 !!!

Most definitely pregnant!

We got more wonderful news today!  I had to leave school and go get my blood drawn in between classes today.  After my last class I finally got a call from Dr. K's office.  It was Ms. A and she definitely sounded happy when she said hello.  Then she said "Congratulations!  You had an excellent first number and Dr. K was very pleased."  Then I had to know. .  I couldn't take the suspense any longer so I blurted. . ."What was the second number?!!"  When she said 1121 I was super excited! Our beta more than doubled in 48 hours and I am hoping and praying that both of our embryos are still with me.  (I think there might be a good chance that they are!)  Then Dr. K got on the phone and congratulated me.  He said that he was very pleased with the results so far and we should proceed with cautious optimism.  We scheduled our first ultrasound for April 1st at Dr. K's office.  We will know at that appointment if we have one or two babies in there and also hope to see their heartbeats.  I should be about six weeks pregnant at that appointment. 

I can hardly believe that these little ones (the two to the left) are growing and growing inside me right now!

BETA #1 - 10dp5dt

425!!!

Definitely Pregnant!

In fact according to the HCG chart a normal number is between 5 - 426 so I am at the high end of normal.  YEA!  I got up a did another home pregnancy test this morning and the pink line was darker so I felt good going into this blood test - SO different than by beta from my October transfer.  I am just almost speechless and so thankful.  Thankful that I am pregnant and we are on our way to building our family after trying for seven long years.  Thankful that God has brought us through the difficulties of infertility to give these babies a chance at life.  Thankful for Dr. K and the expertise and kindness of his staff.  Thankful for friends and family all over the country who pray for us and the babies.  

So what is next?  On Monday I go back for another blood test and they will want to see my HCG number double by that time.  If the babies are going to stay then the numbers need to keep going up.  If Monday's test looks good then we will schedule an ultrasound around week 6 or 7 (I am starting week 5) to see how many babies are growing inside.  We will also hope to see heartbeats at that appointment.  If all goes well we will be expecting our babies to arrive around Thanksgiving (Nov. 25th).  It will definitely be an extra thankful thanksgiving for the Shacks! 

Please pray that our babies continue to grow and that I will have a good HCG number on Monday.  I am also concerned about not getting stressed out with work.  This is the busiest time of year for me and I need to figure out how to let things go and just relax.  Thanks friends!  We are so happy!

Our darker pink line 10dp5dt

Good News???

It seems we might be in for some good news tomorrow. . .

Home pregnancy test - 8 days post 5 day transfer

I begged Dan to let me do a pregnancy test on Thursday night.  I haven't felt any pregnancy symptoms at all:  no cramping, no sore breasts, no weird sensations, no nausea, not extra hungry, and I've been feeling rested and energetic.  But Thursday was the first day that I was feeling the pregnancy pulling and stretching in my lower abdomen.  (It helps a little that I've been pregnant before and know what that feels like. . .)  I was tired of not knowing and I knew that if I were pregnant it should register on a take home test by now.  I was excited to see the faint pink line show up.  (That doesn't happen with a negative pregnancy test ever- I should know.)  If I seem underwhelmed it is because I know that the Beta (HCG) number tomorrow from my blood test is WAY more important than a positive take home pregnancy test.  Since my blood test is on a Saturday I am hoping that I can know my results on the same day.  We'll see. . .   I am not quite ready to be congratulated on a pregnancy yet.  Having seen the negative experiences of others and been through a miscarriage myself I want to see the HCG numbers on Saturday and Monday before I fully let myself celebrate.  I'm sure you all understand. . . some of you more than I know.  Keep praying everyone!

Estrogen and Progesterone Blood Test Results

On Monday I had my blood drawn to check my estrogen and progesterone levels.  Yesterday they called to tell me the results.  The first thing the nurse said was, "Everything looks great!".  Then she asked if I was taking progesterone suppositories.  I told her I was on injection.  To which her reply was, "Are you only on 1cc?"   I told her I was on 2cc just like I've always been on.  She acted really surprised and then told me that my progesterone levels were a little on the low side.  I was a confused because she started our conversation with an enthusiastic "Everything looks great!".  So which is it?  I ask her if I needed to change anything and she said no and that was the end of our phone call.  These last few days before the Beta are the worst.  Mine isn't until Saturday.  Three more days.  Everybody keeps asking me how I am feeling and I don't feel any different than any other day except that I feel like a marshmallow and I want to go for a good run or head out to spin class or bootcamp and I can't.  Boo!

Favorite Things: Three Way Thrift

Dan and I ventured out to do a few errands today and we decided to stop by our favorite local thrift store as it happened to be teacher discount day!  I really love this particular thrift store.  They always have such great finds and they price things really well (cheap!)  What is better is that this thrift store is owned and run by Ontario Christian Schools and the profits benefit the schools and two wonderful ministries: two group homes for adults with mental disabilities.  We enjoy donating goods to this thrift store just for that reason.  I know the money will be used to do good for people that deserve it and need it.  One day when we were dropping off some donations the residents from the adult group home and their guardians were there issuing tax receipts with homemade thank you cards.  My heart just broke in a million pieces. . .  well back to today. . . we made some GREAT finds!  We spent a total of $22 and were able to purchase:

26 Books - (Mom do you see the Dave Dravecky book I got for your classroom?)

One pair of shoes for Dan and one pair for me!  (Aren't mine so cute??)

This VERY cute onsie which I could NOT pass up!  I love Dr. Seuss!

So are you impressed?  You Southern Californians should come out my way for the day and have a fun thrift shopping day at Three Way!  I can't wait to go baby clothes shopping there.  They have sooo many wonderful finds for a great price.

The Upside of Infertility . . .

. . . is definitely doctor ordered bed rest.  At almost four days post transfer I am enjoying a break from the daily grind.  My shots are going great so far but I am bruising a bit more than last time.  Also, in my last transfer I was cramping quite a bit right from the beginning.  I haven't had any cramping at all so far.  I am not really anxious.  I am not trying to make sense of any symptoms or lack of any.  Through my experience, research, and observation of the experiences of others it seems there is not much rhyme or reason to why some embryos make it and others do not.  My 72 hours of implantation time is up.  Our babies have either made it or not at this point.  I pray that they have.

Favorite Things: Movie Moments

WARNING:  THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS HERE!!!

Movie: Seabiscuit
When Red Pollard asks his boss Charles Howard if he can borrow some money.  Mr. Howard with concern asks him how much and then hands him twice the amount Red asks for and puts his hand on Red's shoulder.  It is the first time Red realizes that he is loved and cared for by Mr. Howard and sees him as the loving father figure he has been missing most his life

Movie: Seabiscuit
When Charles Howard wealthy business man curiously asks a time forgotten cowboy and horseman, Tom Smith, why he is trying to fix the leg of an injured race horse that he recently saved from being euthanized;  Tom replies, "You know, you don't throw a whole life away just 'cause he's banged up a little."

Movie: Cinderella Man (Really hard to just pick one scene from this movie!)
At the end of the movie when James Braddock is named winner of the boxing titled during the Great Depression against his formidable and cocky opponent, Max Baer.  I love a good underdog story and this moment really delivers.  Thomas Newman's inspiring score and Renee Zellewger's emotional performance contribute to a powerful movie moment.

Movie:  Amazing Grace
When William Wilburforce is physically and emotionally exhausted and frustrated with his lack of progress in his political strides to abolish slavery in Britian his future wife Barbara Spooner takes him out for a walk. Wilburforce is reluctant to discuss his frustrations with the abolitionist movement and she whispers to him, "It seems to me, that if there is a bad taste in your mouth, you spit it out. You don't constantly swallow it back."

Movie: The Joy Luck Club
June is frustrated with her mother.  She feels her mother has compared her to the success of others her whole life and can never live up to the high expectations of her mother.  As an adult one night at dinner her childhood rival cuts her professional work down in front of both June and her mother claiming it to be out of style.  June's mother responds at the table, "Tis true. Can't teach good style; must be born this way."  June sees the comment as the ultimate insult from her mother.  After dinner in the Kitchen June learns the true meaning behind her mother's comment when June astonishingly listens to her mother talk and realizes she sees what a selfless, compassionate person June is and is proud of the person she has become.

Here they are!!!



Our baby embryos! 
The two on the left were transferred and the one on the far right was refrozen.

 Today the transfer went really well.  First we arrived and were taken back to get our hospital scrubs on.  Then the embryologist came in to show us the picture of our embryos.  They all developed very well but at different rates.  They are all blasts.  The one on the far left was just beginning to hatch.   The one in the middle as you can see is hatching quite a bit!  The one on the far right was still developing but at a little slower.  We had to make the final decision about how many embryos to transfer and after some time and short visit with Dr. K we decided there were risks no matter what we decided.  If we put all three in we purposesfully put ourselves in the position of possibly having triplets in which case there are high risks of preterm labor and other difficulties.  If we only put in two and refreeze the other then we risk harming that embryo in the freezing and thawing process.  With the first choice we risk harming all three babies.  In the second choice we risk harming one baby.  I feel like such a utilitarian but it seemed like the best thing to do.  In Dr. K's words:  the worst result is not a negative pregancy test.  The worst result is jeopardizing the lives of the babies because we were too agressive. 

Just before the transfer.

After the embryologist left.  I took my valium and began to fill my bladder with water.  We were taken to the transfer room and had to wait awhile for the embryos to be ready.  Then Dr. K and the nurse came in and we did a quick mock transfer and then we watched as our embryos were put into my uterus. 

This is my ultrasound pic with the embryos inside. 

After the transfer I had to lay on the table for 30 minutes and relax.  I wish I hadn't forgotten my MP3 player.  Some music would have been great while I was waiting but Dan was entertaining enough.  I was then able to get up and empty my bladder and get dressed.  We said goodbye and headed back to the hotel for some rest and relaxation.  Everything went as well as it could and I feel very at peace with everything and thankful for the many texts, emails, messages, and comments from family and friends.  Your prayers were answered.  God is good.  In the next 72 hours the embryos will need to implant in the lining of my uterus if they are to stay with me.  I will be on bedrest for the next three days and then just taking it easy and avoiding all stressful situations.  Our pregancy test is scheduled for Saturday, March 19th!

Then and Now

A few days ago I spent some time reading through my posts before our first transfer back in October. I definitely feel different about this transfer. It is nice knowing what to expect. I feel much more relaxed, calm, and excited than nervous. We are doing a few things different this time around: we are staying in the hotel the night after the transfer rather than making the 2+ hr drive back home, I am taking more time off of work to avoid jumping right back into a stressful work environment and have to deal with the emotional strain of the two week wait, and lastly I don’t plan on doing any home pregnancy tests.
We didn’t get anymore updates from the embryologist in the past few days and we are hoping that no news is good news. They did move our transfer back 45 minutes so 1:00pm PST is our new transfer time.

We checked into our “hotel” last night. We decided to gamble on Hotwire since we have never had a bad stay through them. We ended up with The Palm Garden Hotel which is a five-minute drive from Dr. K’s office. I don’t know if Dan and I have become hotel snobs since becoming Marriott rewards members but this place is not super great. They did have a good free breakfast this morning though! After we checked in last night we headed over to my cousin’s house and visited with her family. It was very fun to see them as we are not out this way very often.

Well it is time for me to get ready to head over to meet our embies! I will be sure to post their picture and transfer details when we get back to the hotel! Thanks for your encouraging words and prayers. We definitely feel the love and support of our dear friends, family, and fellow bloggers!

Update from the Embryologist

This afternoon I got a call from the embryologist who wanted to give us an update on our four 2PN embryos.  One of them did not survive the thaw and died and the other three are growing.  Two of them are now 8-cell grade A embryos.  The other is a 6-cell grade A- embryo.  I think grade A is the highest you can get.   It seems like the three that survived the thaw are growing and that is good.  We should get another update before transfer day. 

In a dish. . .

Not our embies but they are growing like these in the picture.

. . . that is where my babies are right now!  Four of our 2PN embryos were most likely thawed today and are now growing in their cozy little petri-dish.  We hope they will all make it to the blast stage on day five.  If more than two make it then we will ask the embryologist to  refreeze the remaining embryo(s) that we don't transfer.  This process never ceases to amaze me.  Yesterday, I was just trying to imagine how the embryologist gets the embryos from the dish to the straw that they use to put them inside me.  With a funnel?  With a syringe?  With. . .?   (I am out of ideas.)

A VERY good visit with Dr. K!

Today we had our last visit before our March 9th transfer and everything went so well!  First of all my test results and ultrasound revealed that my body is doing everything it needs to do for a good transfer.  Most exciting is that we were able to have a long visit with Dr. K about our embryos.  We learned to day that we have actually "adopted" six 2PN embryos and six blastocysts (5-day old embryos).  We had originally thought there were twelve 2PN embryos.  What is better is that they are frozen in singles and pairs which will make decisions about how many to thaw much easier.  The 2PN embryos are frozen in pairs, two of the blasts are frozen individually, and the last four blasts are frozen in pairs.  We also still have two blasts from our Snowflake match.  The fact that we have blasts in our new match will make using our Snowflake embryos much easier.  After speaking with Dr. K we have decided that our goal is to transfer two blasts.  We will thaw four of the 2PN embryos and they will be "grown out" for 4-5 days until they are blasts.  We will have to wait and see what happens after the growing period but if we only get one blast (or no blasts) from the four 2PNs then we will thaw one or two of the blasts from our new donor embryos until we have two to transfer.  We did learn that these embryos were used by the original donor family in an FET.  In that FET six 2PN embryos were thawed and four of them made it to the blast stage to be transferred which resulted in one healthy pregnancy.  Since "selective reduction" is not an option for us if we have multiples then Dr. K wants to be conservative about how many blasts we transfer at once.  In other words he will only ever transfer two blasts at a time and never more than that unless we demand it.  I feel good about that decision. 

We were really excited to learn more about our embryos.  We are super excited that our transfer is one week from today!  We feel very blessed, hopeful, and happy to be where we are at in our adoption.  I am looking forward to seeing that first picture of our baby embies next Wednesday!