Waiting . . .

I have been anxious lately about our adoption. I haven't heard from the NEDC and according to their initial letter our mock transfer is supposed to be scheduled once we start our homestudy. Our homestudy has been finished and submitted for over 10 days now. When I emailed about a few issues (fertility doc in CA, when we would visit TN, and confirmation of our completed file) they emailed back with only vague responses to my questions. Not helpful and totally FRUSTRATING!

I would say in general that I have been pretty patient on our journey to become parents. We have been trying to conceive for five and half years now. If I have learned one thing about myself it is that my desire and emotions surrounding motherhood can fluctuate greatly. Our big house in our family-friendly neighborhood and our Chevy Tahoe "family car" we bought four years ago that I drive around alone in feel empty; I know my identity is founded in the Lord and not in my becoming a mom but I wonder what it would be like. I think about the thousands of little embryo babies stuck in their frozen straws and all the childless couples like us waiting to find each other.

There are times in my life when in God's grace I have found patience and peace. At other times (like now) I tire of the wait, of the not knowing if things will work out or if there is more pain and character refining in our future.

The hardest part of our fertility journey has been the lack of control over our future. I suppose I thought that now that Dan and I finally agreed to pursue embyro adoption we would be back in the "driver's seat" so to speak. We would have a definite timeline and I would be pregnant within the year, maybe even faster! I think I am realizing now that I have just reverted back to my need to control the details of life rather than trust our future to the Lord.

I know the promises of God: that he loves us, that he wants good for our lives, that he won't give us burdens that are too difficult for us to bear, that he will take care of our needs and knows our needs better than we do . . . But I also know that he cares more about the state of our souls than he does our daily happiness and if this is what needs to happen to bring Dan and I (and others) closer to Him then I accept this period of waiting and not knowing.

Romans 5:1-11

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Adoption Home Study is Officially Complete!

The other day we received a package from Bethany and inside was our completed home study! Today I mailed it off to the NEDC. We are excited to hear back from the NEDC about the date of our first visit to Tenessee!

A couple in North Carolina who is at the same stage in their embryo adoption with the NEDC introduced me to this adoption story of a couple in Colorado who has two biological children and two adopted children. The video tells the story of how they came to adopt their first child from Korea. Their story encouraged me to remember that we are to trust our God who is mighty, has unlimited resources, and knows what is best for us even more than we do.

Ludy Adoption Video from Lifesong on Vimeo.

A Celebratory Treat!

Today I celebrated reaching my 50 pound weightloss mark by getting a haircut that I have wanted for a long time. I had been putting off trying out this style because I didn't think I could pull it off. Now that my face is thinner, I went for it. What do you think?

A little getaway to India, El Salvador, Vietnam, and Taiwan

Over the last week Dan and I have been busier than usual and so we have eaten out a little more often. One of the greatest benefits of living in such a culturally diverse part of the world is the easy access to an unlimited number of cuisines. So Dan and I went on a mental and gustatory vacation around the globe. We started with an old favorite. . .

Saag Paneer and Garlic Naan - India (Little India Grill in Artesia)
Saag is spinach and paneer is cheese. We also got an amazing (and spicy hot) eggplant dish which we also love and a goat curry. Their garlic naan (Indian flat bread) is the perfect compliment to sooth your mouth after this spicy meal. The first time I had saag was when our friend Raj's mom from India was visiting and he invited us over to have a traditional Indian meal. Needless to say it was quite amazing! Our most favorite Indian food place was in Long Beach but one day we went to have dinner there and they were closed down- there was a "C" health rating in the window. Hmmmmmm. . .


. . . next we went to an El Salvadorian pupusaria which was a completely new experience for us both.

Papusas - El Salvador (Nancy's Pupusaria in Buena Park)
I had heard of pupusas (stuffed flat bread) on the Food Network and was excited to try a new cuisine. I ordered the cheese and loroco which is an edible flower and herb which I think tastes like artichoke. Dan ordered spinach and cheese pupusa and a pork pupusa. They were so good but I want to try the pupusas at Grand Central Market in L.A. sometime to compare.


. . . then we were off to "Vietnam" for some Pho (noodles with vegetables and various meats).

Pho - Vietnam (California Noodle and Grill in Chino)
Dan's niece, Koren, was the first to introduce us to Pho up in Seattle. Ever since Dan and I have enjoyed pho (pronounced "fuh")at various locations throughout Southern California. Dan always gets the meat variety bowl with everything in it from intestine to fillet. Last time I ordered the chicken bowl which was great! I enjoy mine with lots of fresh basil, lemon, bean sprouts, and fish sauce.


. . . then we hit our favorite tea house a few times for a sweet treat - Milk Tea Boba!

Boba Milk Tea - Taiwan (Zensation in Chino Hills)
I remember clearly the first time I tried boba. My band students at Wilson were addicted to it and would occasionally bring the band directors one for a treat. It is such a fun experience to suck the little tapioca balls up through the extra wide straw along with the milk tea. The hardest part is giving up my favorite flavor (regular milk tea) to try some of the other interesting flavors on the menu (lavender, mango, honeydew, Thai, almond, etc.) One day I know I will get brave enough to try lavender. When I tried mango it was so mangoish that I felt like I was drinking my favorite body lotion (Bath and Body Works mango mandarin)- not so good.


I love our little mental vacations! It is so nice to pack a little adventure into a stress filled week. I am so lucky I married an adventurous eater! Here is to many more culinary excursions! (Any recommendations?)

P.S. Don't worry. . . I am still down 46 pounds since June and I am starting a new morning running routine on Sunday with daylight savings to get ready for the 10K Turkey Trot in Dana Point on Thanksgiving morning. I have at last learned the good habit of eating things in small portions. = )

Homestudy Unofficially Finished!

Today we had our home visit with our social worker which was our last item left in our homestudy. She said that she would have our homestudy officially finished sometime next week! While I don't know the exact timeline of our next steps, most likely we will be moving into the matching process soon followed by our mock transfer sometime in Feb/March and finally our real transfer in April/May. (Thanks for the info. Jenn!) I am excited about this timeline as it gives me time to lose more weight, Dan and I time to save up some more money for all our medical bills, NEDC fees, and travel expenses, and it also makes it easier for me to take time off work. We are praying for God's perfect timing and provision. We also pray for a good match with our embryo donor family. Won't you join us in prayer for our future little one(s)?

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

Light

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom (or what) shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom (or what) shall I be afraid? ~Psalm 27:1

Interview Recap

Our first interview went great! Our social worker was easy to talk to and she seems excited to help us finish our home study as quickly as possible. Our next interview is on Tuesday the 13th and our final interview at our house will be on Monday the 19th. Our social worker said that she would take about ten days to finish our homestudy after that which means our home study will be finished by the end of this month!