A few days ago I posted and somewhat genuine post about my weight and fitness goals. This is my personal blog and I feel the need to purge my true feelings on this issue. You know, sometimes you just need to admit nice and loud how you truly feel and cry for a little before you move on like a "Susie Sunshine".
 |
| My weight loss before picture which hasn't changed all that much. = |
My pregnancy was not easy but not the worst I've heard of. I had horrible swelling and my doctor's advice was to stay off my feet (not such great advice for someone trying to battle weight gain). In the end after giving birth early due to preeclampsia and recovering from my c-section, I had gained back nearly all of the weight I had lost. I had hoped that through breastfeeding I could magically burn of all of those unwanted pounds. After all it worked for almost every pregnant woman I had talked to. Ha! After so many years of struggling with infertility I should have known better. I had a milk supply problem and actually gained ten more pounds instead of losing any.
 |
| Just in case you wanted to see my super sexy side profile. Ha ha! |
(Here we go....) UNFAIR! UNJUST!! WHY ME!!! I'VE HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF STRUGGLES! WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SUCH A BATTLE - AND A LOSING ONE AT THAT!??!
What is my body thinking? Aye me... My boot camp trainer after examining my food log and workout schedule just told me to keep on going, that I was getting stronger. Stronger is great but I want to be SKINNY... or at least SKINNIER! I am sick of being the fat one in class, or worrying if the lap bar will close on my gut when we ride the rides at Knott's, or worry about fitting into my airplane seat when we go to Hawaii in August. Or what about living in my bathing suit for two weeks baring my thunder thighs and cellulite for all to see!
I feel naked, selfish, and shallow for posting all this. There are after all people who are suffering MUCH greater tragedies than myself. But I can't help but think that God cares how I feel today. He doesn't mind my lament as long as it doesn't rule my heart. He put Psalms of lament in the Bible for a reason right? It is okay to be frustrated and cry in self-pity for a moment or two... or three. That is honest communication in a healthy relationship. I guess I just pray that by God's grace my lament can turn to yet greater determination to work hard and meet my goals. If Jesus can turn water into wine can he not turn my fat into muscle??? I think so!
(Ahhhh... there's that "Susie Sunshine" after all...)
5 comments:
Keep pushing through it~ you CAN do it! You are such an inspiration just by working so hard. I'll be praying for you.
"With my God I can scale a wall." Psalm 18:29
It's not fair! But I think you can do it! Praying for you!
I LOVE your vulnerability in this post and saying it like it is. We all need a good cry and a time to just be frustrated. You CAN do this but with everything God just wants us to need him and sometimes he creates ways for us to be totally dependent on him. He cares about our troubles the small, the big, and the ugly all of them. You will have these days and then he will show you himself in beautiful ways. Remember his mercies are new every morning friend. Get up tomorrow, give it to him and don't stop fighting. I believe in you Elizabeth and so impressed by your drive and will.
Awesome words Melody. What an encouragement to us all. "New every morning."...constantly need to be reminded of that. Elizabeth, I will be more diligent and specific in my prayers for you.
Oh girl I feel for you I still have 30 pounds from being pregnant 6 months ago that just won't move.I too thought BF would take it off but it actually seemed to hold it on me.I know you can do this :-)
Post a Comment