It has been almost two years since I was last very pregnant and it is starting to feel like it has been a long, long time since then. The old strong sad feelings of infertility have been plaguing me lately. I notice pregnant women everywhere, newborn babies look so incredibly and yet painfully adorable, I add in my head a list of friends, family members, and acquaintances who have "lapped me" with another pregnancy since Lena has been born.
The most painful thing to an infertile woman is not the image of a friend or family member doting on their new baby or showing off a cute pregnant belly or the latest ultrasound picture on Facebook; it is witnessing the mistreatment of a child by an ungrateful parent. It happened to me the other day and I just wanted to slap the parents in the face and hold them down until they understood what a gift and a miracle the life of each child truly is.
All this, it's not really about fairness or jealousy; it is about a longing I have deep within. It is different this time around though. I am a mom. Boy that feels good to say. Life is full, fast, and busy and it leaves little time to languish in the longing.
Lord, fill me up with your love, contentment, and thankfulness.
Birthday Fun
4 years ago
3 comments:
I totally get it. I want to be a mom that is content whether I have one miracle or 4, but it's hard, it's really hard. I dread the thought of the infertile pain being back for good and pray that God would fill those holes in my heart and bring peace and joy no matter what my future family looks like. Hugs and prayers!! Here's hoping for a baby filled 2014!!! :)
"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the
name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ."
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
Infertility can be a lonely place. Thanks for sharing. Hugs!!!
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