Welcome Trimester Two!

Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks pregnant and I still can't believe it except that my body keeps reminding me.  March-May is traditionally my busiest months at work and these past three weeks the all day nausea has been hitting me hard lately.  The key for me has been constant snacking because when I get hungry I feel pretty bad.  My two go to snacks that I cannot be without lately have been:

These cookies have a good dose of ginger in them to calm my stomach.  Don't you love how they make sure you know that they are "Cookies For People"?  Ha ha!

Cubed cheese - My favorite is an Irish cheese called Dubliner

 A week and half ago we got to meet our new OB, Dr. B.  We really connected with him and felt comfortable immediately with him.  We didn't have to explain what embryo donation was and he knew all about the meds I had been on and I loved that he didn't ask me for the first date of my last period.  Ha!  We were a little sad that we weren't going to get an ultrasound during that appointment and he could tell we weren't going to be satisfied until we knew that our Baby Shack was okay.  He grabbed a doppler and while it took him awhile to find it (thus the worried look on my face in the video) we did hear a very strong and healthy heartbeat!  We thought the doppler was so cool that we bought one for $45 on ebay and look forward to using it when it arrives in June!

We decided to skip the tests that tell you if the baby might have down syndrome.  We didn't want to do any tests.  We don't need any more drama.  We don't need "notice" of any potential health problems with our child.  Knowing of any potential problems wouldn't impact our course in this pregnancy.  It was a little strange to be one of many pregnant ladies in the waiting room before our appointment.  I seem to feel compelled to tell everyone who finds out about our pregnancy that it took us seven years to get pregnant.  Perhaps I subconciously want EVERYONE to know that this baby is SPECIAL!!!  As we left our appointment the office staff gave us a packet from St. Jude's where we will be delivering and told us that we needed to register for the hospital and any classes we want to take before our next appointment.  I can't believe we are doing all this already!  It is helping it to seem more real.  Our next appointment is on June 6th and we will be doing the anatomy scan and learning if we are having a boy or girl!  We are super excited for that appointment.  =)

Released! The Tale of Two OB/GYNs

 At our last appointment with our RE (Dr. K) he released us to my OB/GYN at 10 weeks pregnant.  I stopped taking my shots a week ago and this past week I have felt more pregnant than ever.  I don't know if the meds were protecting me from certain symptoms or if just being further along has brought them on stronger.  I have been more tired, more hungry (all day and night long), and I started to get the all day long nausea.  Honestly, I don't mind one bit.  It gives me comfort to have strong symptoms.  I work all day and literally come home get into pjs eat take out (which Dan usually brings home) and am fast asleep before 9pm.  (In my defense I do get up at 5am for work everyday.)  This growing a baby thing must be hard work for the body because mine is worn out!


Leaving Dr. K and the Very Clueless OB Office
I have to admit that it was sad for me to leave Dr. K.  He is like a security blanket in all of this infertility/pregnancy stuff.  I trust him, he encourages me, he is so knowledgeable, he is dependable, his staff is respectful and kind, and I am used to the highest level of service that they provide.  We just moved to our current home a few years ago and so last October before our first FET I decided upon a new OB/GYN who was recommended to me.  My experience fell far below my expectations.  While I know no doctor will understand our situation quite like Dr. K this OB and his group made me frustrated.  First it is not that close to us (although out in dairy country nothing really is super close).  Second, after working all day and then rushing to make my appointment I had to wait 45 minutes past my appointment time to be seen.  I asked another patient if that was normal and she said yes.  Third, the office staff was not so friendly; I felt more like an intruder rather than a guest in their office.  But the icing on the cake was meeting the doctor.  In his defense he was really nice.  We talked about my infertility, my weight loss, and my upcoming FET.  After explaining what we were going to be doing (FET with donor embryos) because he had NEVER heard about it before, he just looked at me and asked, "So how come you just didn't do IVF?"  I knew he wasn't mocking our choice to do donor embryos.  He genuinely wanted to understand our choices so I educated him by giving him a very frank and thorough response to which he simply replied, "Oh."  While this is no reflection on his ability as a doctor or even his bedside manner necessarily, I just hate that I have to explain myself in detail to a new doctor.  And honestly people!  This is the 2010s!!  What OB in Southern California has never heard of embryo donation???   I left that appointment a bit unsettled.  But when I called back this past Monday to schedule my first OB appointment with him for when I am 12 weeks pregnant like Dr. K instructed me to the secretary informed me that I must make an appointment to see a nurse first and then they would decide if I could have an appointment with the Dr.  I tried to explain to her that it has taken me SEVEN years to get pregnant and that I was already 11 weeks along and needed to see the Dr. and not the nurse next week.  She wouldn't have any of it.  After I already explained that I was being released from my RE she asked for the first date of my last period.  Seriously???  Lady I haven't had a period in like five months because of birth control!  She was clueless.  She was totally rude and then put me on hold for 10 min. to see if there were any appointments at all.  Dan told me to hang up and I did. 

Enter the new OB office. 
I had just received a different referral from a friend and after some research and learning that several of my coworkers had used this OB office and loved it we decided to call them and see how it went.  WHAT A DIFFERENCE!  The receptionist was wonderfully kind.  She didn't put me on hold.  She (the secretary) knew exactly what embryo donation was because their office specializes in working with infertility patients and high risk pregnancies.   I rejoiced in my heart because I knew that coming here I would be understood without having to explain myself and defend why I might be a bit more nervous than most pregnant women.  She made me an appointment with the doctor that I preferred for this coming Tuesday and then scheduled all of my upcoming appointments (every four weeks) through the month of August!!!  We totally made the right choice.  I feel comfortable going to my new OB now and look forward to seeing Baby Shack again on the ultrasound machine!  Oh and the hospital that we will be delivering at is amazingly nice.  I am so thankful for good medical insurance so we can go there.  I only have one more week left in my first trimester!  I am getting more and more excited everyday. 

Ultrasound #3

 The Shackleton Family

Our ultrasound on Wednesday went very well.  Dan and I were SO NERVOUS before our appointment but as soon as we saw the heartbeat on the screen we were so relieved.  Baby Shack is measuring right on track (three days early actually but that is normal) at 10 weeks 1 day.  He/she measured 28.8 mm and had a heartbeat of 180 beats per minute which we got to hear again.  We were able to see Baby Shack moving around and sucking his/her thumb.  In the two short weeks since our last ultrasound Baby Shack has more than doubled in size and now is getting fuzz on the skin, nails on the little fingers, and other detailed features.  Check out the photos and video that Dan shot during our appointment!

Wednesday's appointment was our last with Dr. K.  I have been released to my ob/gyn and will hope to have an appointment when I am 12 weeks pregnant.  Saturday will also be my last PIO and delestrogen shots!  Dan is VERY happy about that, even more than me.  Another great thing about Wednesday was that Dan and I were able to have a great visit with James and Christina who are also in town this week working with Dr. K.  It was wonderful to swap stories and connect with another couple in person who has experienced embryo adoption. 

The baby  is giving us a profile shot.  The head is on the left with the baby facing down.  You can see him/her sucking their thumb.  You can also see the baby's butt and little legs.

Survival Mode

The past few weeks have been hard.  We were grieving the loss of Baby A, trying to stay positive about Baby B, extremely busy at work, and trying to just stay afloat physically and emotionally.  Because of my job, this time of year is already pretty stressful, add a late Easter break, measurably less support from my bosses at work, dealing with pregnancy symptoms, and dealing with our loss (which impacted me WAY more than I ever thought)  I am simply exhausted in every way.  And yet I survive.  Things will work out.  And today was a great first full day of relaxed vacation.  Tomorrow is Easter and we will spend it with family at the beach in gorgeous Newport Coast.  There is much to be thankful for.  And. . . have I mentioned that I married the most loving, thoughtful, and patient man?  Dan is my rock and I love that I can depend on him no matter what.  I can't even bear to list the horrible, awful chores he did for me this week without complaining once:

1.  Cleaned out the overfull cat box. (Which he HATES to do.)
2.  Helped me purchase $600 worth of "stuff" for my AP students for their goody bags and then spent his day off stuffing 215 goody bags.
3.  He drove over a hour each way back to our house when we finally got to our beach destination because I only packed our needles and the bottles of meds got left at home.
4.  He did the dishes more than once.
5.  He gives me back rubs even when HE is the one who has a bad back.
6.  He gives me my shots everyday even though he doesn't like doing it.  He even apologizes when it hurts even though it is not his fault if it hurts.
7.  He prays for us.
8.  He texts me during the day to find out how I am doing and when I am doing bad he calls me and listens to me cry.
9.  When I couldn't find enough parents and college students to proctor AP exams in May he quickly volunteered himself and his two other friends who are off on Mondays to proctor on their day off after working four ten-hour shifts.
10.  He hugs me and tells me he loves me ALL the time.

I told you he is the best!  Infertility and crisis in general can be hard on a marriage. but with Dan and I it has brought us closer and closer.  I am so thankful to the Lord for that gift.

On a side note:  our next ultrasound is coming up on Wednesday.  I am 50% excited for it and 50% dreading it which sort of equals out to this numb feeling that I've been having about our pregnancy.  I just don't want to get too excited.  Honestly, that last ultrasound really dealt a blow to my usual optimism.  I think I've been coping by burying myself in my work (easy to do) and trying not to dwell on it.  If I talk about it too much I either get sad or angry or both.  I don't know when I will feel the confidence to be fully excited and happy about Baby B.  I pray soon.  As Dan said the other day, "We have to have faith because living in fear is no way to live life."

Ultrasound #2 - Bittersweet with a dose of anger and a dash of self-pity

Today at our ultrasound we found out that Baby A died last week.  He/she did not have a heartbeat and it was measuring a week behind.  Baby B looked good measuring at 7 weeks 5 days old with a heartbeat of 150 bpm which is exactly where the baby should be.  Our next ultrasound is on April 27th. 

Today I don't feel like pouring my heart out to the whole blogging world and beyond.  The title of my post tells enough how we are feeling.

Springtime!

There's No Fooling. . .

. . . we saw TWO heartbeats today!  We are blessed with twins and today I am six weeks pregnant!  Baby A on top is measuring 3.3 millimeters and and Baby B on the bottom is measuring 3.0 millimeters which is right on schedule.  We had a nice smooth ride out to Dr. K's office and got there 45 minutes early.  The office was full but they took us right in and a few minutes later we got to see those little flicker, flickers on the ultrasound monitor.  It was quite surreal and exciting.  He encouraged us to remain cautiously optimistic.  I would say we are more optimistic than cautious.  We know the risk of loss but it can't take away the immense joy we feel today.  At a mere six weeks with two heartbeats this is the longest pregnancy we have had and we will enjoy every day our two little ones stay with us.  Thanks to everyone for your prayers and encouragement.  I feel so at peace and excited.  We were not given an official due date yet but the FET due date calculator says November 25th.  =)  Our next ultrasound appointment with Dr. K will be on April 11th.  Looking forward to seeing how much our little twinos change between now and then!