Time to Think...And Listen

Anxiety weighs down the heart,

But a kind word cheers it up.

- Proverbs 12:25

I am so thankful that God has placed people in my life to bring encouragement to my heart and strengthen my faith during these few weeks but especially in the last few days.  I am usually a very optimistic person but the dramatic twists and turns of this FET, and knowing that this is our 5th and last FET for awhile (we have no more embryos in storage) and also our last chance to give Lena a genetic sibling, and that our adoption funds are depleated...again has been a lot to handle emotionally.

When I sent word yesterday about our second BETA I was bewildered at first at how happy and excited people were to receive the news that our BETA went up to 84.  Frankly I thought I was delivering bad news.  At first I chalked it up to people who just didn't understand the FET process and how important it would be to have the first Beta double.  But when even experienced embryo adoption friends, my husband, and even my own doctor felt "good" about an HCG level of 84 I realized just how pessimistic, worrisome, and anxious I had become about this transfer.  I was letting the fear of losing this baby steal the joy I should have been feeling about him/her still being here with me.

Text after text, message after message people sent encouraging words my way letting us know that they were praying for our babies and us, telling us about when they were in a similar situation with low betas which turned into healthy babies, providing helpful and reliable medical information that I had not been aware of, sending us uplifting Bible verses for us to read, reminding us of the promises of God, encouraging our hearts not to give in to fear.  I can't tell you how much more hopeful I feel this morning.  I also feel confident that if our babies don't make it I have an army of friends and family members who will help us grieve the loss and look forward to a different future than the one we had hoped for and planned.  I just want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to write or say these words of encouragement.  They have meant so much to us!